Beauty In The Breakdown: A story by Alice Marvel
Warning: This story contains the following age restricting material: underaged drinking, premarital sex, and some foul language. Please do not judge this book by these things, or by the first chapter; there is a very positive message behind it all.
NOTE: Beauty In The Breakdown is currently being edited. What you read here may or may not be the real material being published this June.
Chapter 1-Are All Guys Jerks?
The air around me is wet and sticky. I feel like I'm suffocating, like someones hovering over me, something hurts. It's dark, pitch black, I can't see anything. I hear someones breath, I feel it, I can taste it. Where am I? Where are my clothes? Whats happening? Who is this person? Who am I? Questions...more questions...so many questions. The person is breathing harder, hands, fingers, lips, touching me. I feel different, but I remembered I wanted something, but I don't remember what that something was. Why is it so hot? Why do I feel things touching me? More questions...so many questions. My mind is somehow every place I've ever been all at once. Then I hear something “I've always loved you Klair”. Love...I know that word. “Why are you so still? I thought you wanted me?” Wanted...I wanted something. “Leaving me to do all the work, huh?” I know this voice, I've heard it many times before, but where? “Alright, Alright, just try to lighten up OK babe?” I know now, his name is Kevin, Kevin Hwit, my best friends boyfriend. “Your my girl now Klair.” The pain in between my legs leaves, things start coming back to me, little by little. “So...how was it babe?” A rage builds up inside of me, a feeling of extreme hate is bubbling through my whole body, Suddenly I remember.
“What did you tell me?”, I find myself asking aloud.
“What?” Kevin asked.
“What did you tell me, before?”
“Um...that I love you Klair, your my girl now.” Suddenly everything inside me, the rage, the hate, bursted just like that. I exploded with just those four tiny words coming from Kevin's shit hole mouth, “your my girl now.”
“I am not your girl.” I snarled at him, pouring all that rage right into his heart.
“Oh come on babe, I love you.”
“Don't call me babe! What the hell are you doing with me? Your with Kendra! You love Kendra! You don't love me! Owen loves me!” I found myself screaming. Owen...Owen loves me? Owen...yes, I love Owen. Owen Fletcher, the guy that I screamed at before I came here, the guy that screamed at me as I left his house with tears. Where is here? I looked around, letting my eyes adjust, when I saw a crossed out heart drawn on the door; Kendra's door.
“God, I didn't know you were such a bitch,” Kevin said under his breath. I looked down at him, wondering how I got on top of him in the first place.
“Your an ass hole.” I said as I got up, searching for my clothes.
“Where do you think your going, I drove you here.”
“I'll walk” I answered, as I found my bra on top of Kendra's laptop, on the other side of the room.
“Come on, at least let me drive you to where ever you wanna go” he said as he started to get out of bed
“No.” I yelled, and found my last piece of missing clothing, my jacket, sticking halfway out from underneath the bed. I slipped it on and threw open the door when I felt a stiff hand grab my arm and pull me back.
“Just wait a minute Klair,” Kevin pleaded. Without thinking I grabbed the first thing I could reach for, something long and wooly, and threw it at his face.
“Fuck off” I said, and slammed the door behind me. I ran down the stairs and was about to get out, about to escape, when I heard a faint noise. Knowing it wouldn't hurt me, I turned around.
“Klair” Kendra whimpered again, waking up on the couch.
“Kendra” I said in a sigh, slightly wishing she had stayed asleep, but yet glad she was awake.
“Where are you going?” she said sitting up, making a disgusted face at all the mess.
“Kendra?” I asked softly
“Yeah.” She replied
“I think your boyfriend just fucked me up” and with that I left her, passed out on the couch, half from all the drinks,and half from the words that came out of my mouth involving the guy she thought had loved her.
Not knowing where I was going, or where I was going to end up, the cold wind blew against my face, sending chills up and down my spine. My scarf...I forgot my scarf! Then I remembered, the long wooly thing I threw at Kevin, and accepted I'd never again see the scarf my mother knitted for me, just six months before she passed.
After what seemed like hours of endless tromping through mud in the woods, I stumbled up onto a highway, and collapsed near the side of the road. There were barely any cars on the road, and a few minutes later the sun peeked over the billboards, and more cars began to pass. When I finally decided I could no longer feel any part of my body, I began to slowly nod off to sleep just as a car I thought I saw before pulled over to the side.
“What the hell are you doing?” A shocked and worried voice asked me. I knew that voice from the first syllable...Owen Fletcher.
“Owen,” I manged to quiver out of my now shaking body.
“Oh my God, Klair!”
He picked me up and held me close, bringing me into his car. I felt safe now, like I belonged, I finally figured out where I was going. I was going to Owen, and I would've walked till I found him, or froze on the side of the road. 'He's here' I kept telling myself, 'I'm safe'. I didn't notice just how completely exhausted I was, until I was layed in the backseat and Owen began driving, singing the song he wrote for me when we first met. I fell asleep in complete serenity, knowing I was were I was meant to be...with Owen.
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Chapter 2-A Perfect Picture In A Slight Mess
I woke up in a soft bed that I had spent many hours in before. I sat up, taking in Owens slightly messy room, breathing in his familiar and comforting sent. As I looked around I noticed something I never noticed before, pictures...pictures of me, pictures of me and Owen, scattered in all different places. I got up to get a closer look when I noticed I was only wearing one of Owens oversized sweatshirts, but I didn't care. On his desk was the picture of us at Niagara Falls on a school trip, my eyes were closed and my nose was scrunched up as Owen kissed me on the check in the misty fog. In a frame next to his stereo was my favorite picture of us. I remember that day perfectly, it was sunset, me, Owen, and Kendra where walking along an old train track. Kendra brought her new camera she had got for her birthday. Owen dragged me over on the train tracks, and pulled me close, resting his forehead on mine, our noses almost touching. My heart was beating so fast, I was afraid he would be able to feel it.
“You're blushing” He whispered
“Really, I never blush”
“Is that so? Cause it looks like you are.”
“I think your eyes are going bad.”
“I think so too, cause everyday I'm with you I live in a dream, and everyday I'm not I live in a nightmare. So, I'm really always sleeping, but my eyes are never closed, unless, I'm really sleeping.”
I laughed at his attempt to flatter me, but it worked.
“Owen Fletcher” I whispered, staring into his gorgeous black hole eyes. I didn't even have to ask him, and at that moment, he leaned in and kissed me. The ground dropped from underneath me, the world around us began to spin so fast it was all a blur, it was just me and Owen for that small fragment of time, no one else existed in the world. As he slipped his lips slowly away from mine, his eyes opened and he smiled at me, I smiled back; I could never seem to help it.
“I love you Klair Leslie” Owen said, rapping his arms tighter around me.
“You closed your eyes”
“Really, I never close me eyes, unless, I'm really sleeping.”
He made me laugh, again. “I love you too.”
FLASH, Kendra took the picture right there, just moments after our first kiss, moments after we said those three killer yet beautiful words, just moments after the best moment of my life.
I felt someones hands pull me into a hug from behind, it made me jump at first, but I knew who it was. I slowly turned around to see my Owen with his hair uncombed and still in his pajama bottoms.
“I know you like to sleep in over sized shirts, and it was kinda chilly this morning so...” He said sheepishly, as if he was afraid I would be upset he changed my clothes without me knowing.
“I don't care, thanks.” I reassured him
“Yeah, no problem.”
“I'm sure it wasn't”
“Well it was a little hard getting those skinny jeans off.” he nodded toward the dresser where my clothes were, perfectly folded.
I laughed “You should try getting them on.”
“I should!” he said, and went over and garbed my jeans, attempting to try and get them on. I burst out laughing so hard that my stomach felt like a rock. He could barley get them over his knees and they stopped just before his waist. He cracked up too, happy to see my smile again I'm sure. When he finally got the pants off, he stared at the picture of us on the railroad tracks.
“It's my favorite,.” He said, and I wasn't surprised.
“Mine too”
“I made breakfast, another one of your favorite things”
“What's that?”
“Blueberry pancakes, with orange juice. I thought you might like them for breakfast.”
“What time is it?”
We both turned to his alarm clock on the end table. “4 o'clock” he answered
“Oh wow!” I couldn't believe the time, but then again, I was probably only here around six hours, and that's not enough time for me.
“Yeah, actually pancakes sound really good right now.” I decided
“I thought so” He smiled
I ate my pancakes in record time, and downed my orange juice so fast I almost chocked. I was starving, and forgot that I hadn't eaten in the last two days. I was finished before Owen was done with half of his regular pancakes, he hates blueberries but always keeps in the fridge for me and my pancakes, since I spend plenty mornings here with him.
“Hungry much?” he asked
“No, just a little,” I said being sarcastic
I heard him chuckling at my not so funny words, and I found that maybe, he just can't help it either.
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Chapter 3- Reality Becomes the Truth
I felt disgusting, I needed to take a shower. My whole body was limp and my hair felt like a grease wad. Since I didn't have extra clothes to change into, Owen washed my old ones for me while I washed up in his way-too-small-to-fit-two-people shower. When he handed me the still warm clothes, they felt cold as ice when they touched my hands. They brought back memories that I didn't want to remember, things that I didn't know about, and things that I wasn't sure if I even wanted to know. I dropped them immediately, and looked up at Owens face seeking his comfort.
“What's wrong?” Owen asked frantically
“Nothing. I just...I'm sorry.” I said as I started stumbling over my words. Suddenly, I just wanted those clothes gone.
“For what?” Owen asked, worried about my freakish attitude.
“I know you washed them and everything but... can you just throw them away?” I asked.
He picked them up off the floor and threw them away in the bathroom garbage. Owen pulled out a pair of purple shorts that he used to wear for track our freshman year and handed them to me. I slipped them on and layed down on the bed, now too exhausted to care to change out of the sweatshirt. Owen layed down beside me and kissed my check, pulling back to stare directly into my eyes.
“Tell me what happened Klair, please.” Own pleaded
“I can't”
“Why? Come on Klair I have to know, I can't just walk around and watch you like this.”
“ I can't tell you because I don't know everything that happened.”
“Then tell me what you do know.”
“OK,” I paused for a second as the memory butterflies flew into my brain, “after our little fight...”. I stopped there, because Owen closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, I knew he hated looking back on that just as much as I did.
I was staying the night at Owens besides going to Kendra's party that she was inviting all our high school friends to. I had submitted an application to the Cornish College of the Arts to be a photographer, and I received a letter in the mail that afternoon that I had been accepted. Owen had also applied to the same collage in the field of music. I wanted to surprise him with my exception letter, and I thought that maybe if he had received his he would do the same. During our dinner of left over pizza Delivery from Papa Johns, I decided it was the right time to show him.
“So, I got this letter in the mail.” I said
“Oh really? I got a lot of letters in the mail, actually I usually do everyday.” Owen replied in his usual sarcastic way
“No, I mean I got into the collage, Cornish!”
“Really? Klair that's great! ”
“ I know, now we can go to the same collage, we can always be together. I know you got accepted in the collage for sure Owen, did you get your letter?
“Yeah, actually I did” He said, going to get the letter in a stack of papers on the counter
“Saving it for a surprise, huh?”
“How did you know?” He asked, setting it on the table.
“Lucky guess, I thought you would...”. I looked down at the already opened envelope addressed to Owen Fletcher; but this letter was not from the same collage as mine. This letter was sent from the Mcnally Smith college of music. Owen had been accepted to the college, but if he went, he would not be with me, he would be thousands of miles away from me. As I opened the perfectly folded paper and read the fine print, my now watery eyes gave way.
“Are you going to go here?” I asked, afraid of the coming up answer.
“Yes” he said slowly
“Why? I don't see whats so special about this collage, it offers all the same classes!” I cried
“No they don't, in Cornish I can only choose between classical and Jazz performances, in Mcnally I can sing what I want.”
“Why didn't you tell me that?”
“I wanted you to get into Cornish Klair, that's the perfect school for you.”
“It's not if you aren't with me”
“We would be in complete separate parts of the campus anyway.” He said, now getting frustrated
“It would have been enough for me to know that at least you were in the same place as me, not half way across the U.S.!” I screamed
“If something ever happened to you Klair you know I'd be on a plane as soon as I could, I would still be there for you, It's not forever!” He screamed back
I couldn't believe it, I couldn't understand why he hadn't told me, why he supported us being so far apart. I was mad, for the first time I was mad at Owen Fletcher. I crumpled the letter into a ball and threw it across the kitchen. I ran upstairs and threw all my clothes into my bag, half zipping it, slipped on my shoes, and slammed his front as hard as I could. I did all this as Owen stood there and watched me, following me up and down the stairs, and keeping his distance. As I slammed his door, I saw from the corner of my eye, a single tear trickle down his soft checks, and his lips move to mouth the name 'Klair'.
“It's hard for me too, but we will get through it, just tell me what happened.” he asked again
“I walked home and called Kendra, I told her I wanted to come to her party but I needed a ride. I wasn't going to drink, I just thought maybe with all the people there I could get my mind off you. Kevin Hwit picked me” His name swirled in my mouth like an extreme sour candy that you can't spit out fast enough. “When we got there he gave me a glass of sprite after I explained to him I didn't drink. I remember him constantly offering me more drinks, after I finished each one.” I stopped there, I didn't want to tell him the rest, not yet.
“ What time did you get a Kendra's?”
“Around 7ish I think”
“Why were you on the side of the road?”
“Why were you on the highway at sunrise?”
He sighed, egar to know the rest of the story. “I was going to pick up my guitar I left at Chad's the other day, he was leaving out of town to visit his Aunt around noon, so I went early to pick it up.” Chad Bearings was Owens best friend since second grade when Owen first moved to Nebraska. He was into music too, but planned to move on in computer graphics. I met him only a few times, but new him well enough that he had a much better relationship with his aunt then his own mom.
“Something else happened.” I decided to tell him
“What?”
“I woke up, I must have fallen asleep or something, and Kevin...he was there. When I woke up everything was a blur, and he was touching me, my clothes were all over Kendra's room, Owen I don't know what happened!” I started crying again, surprised I had any tears left. Owen gathered me into his arms, and held me tight, as if something was pulling me away from him.
“Oh my God” he said
“What happened?” I whispered, because that was all I could manage.
“What did the drinks taste like?”
“They just tasted like sprite to me, maybe a little tart, but nothing drastic.” I said, starting to catch on.
“Kevin must have spiked your drink, he got you so drunk that you completely blacked out. Since you were mad at me, when he lead you on you followed, wanting him to make me jealous. He used you and Kendra, he just wanted you both for sex. When the drinks wore off you started to come back, but you obviously still had to have a hangover. So you walked until you couldn't anymore, and that's when you stopped...where I found you.”
Owen had told me something that I had already knew. Something I pushed so far into the back of my twisted mind, because I didn't want it to be true. I couldn't think about it until he had said it, and reality had become the truth.
“That son of a bitch.” he said under his breath
“Owen?” I whimpered, I was scared now, I needed his reassurance.
“It's OK Klair, what matters is that you're with me now.” he said while petting my hair.
More butterflies floated into my brain, and I remembered when I was in the arms of the man I loved, and then placed softly into his car, 'I'm safe now'.
“Stay with me?” I asked
“For now.” he answered, referring to when we would have to leave for collage and go our separate ways. He kissed me softly, like a delicate rose whose petals would fall at a single touch. I leaned in close to him, wanting the something I wanted before, but this time for real. It was there in that slightly messy room, in that soft bed, next to my almost perfect Owen, that I fell asleep. Just to wake up to another day, closer to that one day without Owen close in my life every single day.
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Chapter 4- The Pink Slippers
I was born in Alma Nebraska, at Alma Memorial hospital, on June 17th, 1992. My mothers name was Rosaline Leslie, she had me at age 24 with my father William Leslie, who was 24 also. My parents met at a county fair, my mother from Alma, my father from Bishop California who had moved to Alma 3 weeks earlier. They were both 20 at the time. My mom was a dancer and my dad was an artist. Unfortunately I hadn't inherited my fathers special talent, but I could dance with just as much grace as my mother at age 7. She taught me everything there was to know about ballet, but I quit dancing after my eighth Birthday, because at the time it just wasn't my thing. Often I would sit and watch my father paint; watch as he explained to me how to mix colors, as he told me how each stroke of the brush had it's own important place in the painting. My favorite painting of his was the one he had hung up in my room on my 5th Birthday; to surprise me when I woke up. It was a huge blown up picture of my face, I had a huge smile that made my eyes squint up, and I was laughing; like the way you laugh when you get your first puppy, and it licks you in the face. Now, that picture along with 3 others,are the only remaining pictures of the ones he just could not sell. Our attic used to be filled with them, hundreds of paintings, but after my mother died my dad couldn't take it. Most of those pictures had been of my mother, the one thing he just couldn't help but paint. She was his famous model, that beautiful women in all his masterpieces that layed in the attic, because my mother was too embarrassed to have them hung in the house. He smashed them all the night of her death, all but 3; the one of me that was hanging in my room, the one of the fair at which he had met my mother which was hanging in the living room, and one of my mother posing without any clothes on that was hidden in the attic. He had painted it the night of which I came into my parents life. When she died, he held it crying, suddenly remembering me and wondering how he was going to raise me the right way without her. I cried too, I cried because I no longer had a mother physically here on Earth with me, and I cried for my father who had destroyed all his lovely paintings that he could never bring back to life, just as he couldn't bring my mother back from the dead.
My mother died when I was eight from a severe case of Septicemia. At first during the Winter of 1999 my mother had a high fever and was suffering from what we thought was a bad cold. She had the chills, would go from shivering to sweating in just two minutes, and had aces and pains throughout her whole body. After a week she began to feel better, I had thought it was because for those seven days I had made sure that she had chicken noodle soup for dinner each night. Then, just 3 days later after my mother seemed normal again, I woke up the sound of her vomiting in the bathroom next to my room. I remembered it was the most horrible sound I had ever heard, and it still is to this day. My father had taken her to the hospital at 2:00 am. that Friday, leaving me at home, and calling me off school. My father had called the house every hour to check up on me and let me know how my mother was doing.
3:00AM: “Mommy's here, she's really sick, but the nice doctors are going to do a few tests and everything will be OK”
4:00AM: “They just took some of mommy's blood, and gave her medicine.”
“5:00 AM: “The nice doctors said that mommy has a really bad flu, but she's gonna be OK. We should be home before lunch.”
They arrived home around 4:00 PM, way past lunch time, after my dad picked up a prescription to help the common flu. After taking the entire bottle of pills, and her vomiting went down, my mom began spending all the time she could with me. I think this was because she knew in the back of her mind, something was not right, she was going to die. Although she was never as healthy as she used to be. there were days that she was better then others, and one of those better days, was not the day before my eighth Birthday. At first she was fine; we were dancing, I was wearing what I called toe gloves, because I didn't have any real ballet slippers like my mothers. I envied her beautiful pink slippers, I wanted them. I loved the way they laced around her ankle, and how they made her feet look so graceful and lovely. She did a jete, which is basically an elegant jump, but instead of landing on her beautiful pink slippers she collapsed, landing on her knees. Her face has flushed, she screamed holding her abdomen with one hand, and her heart with the other. I yelled for my father, who was already running down the stairs, he rushed to my mother.
“What's wrong Rosaline?” he asked in a hurried voice, and before she could answer, he picked her up and ran to the car.
“Wait, Kliar” she yelled in a painful voice.
“We'll be back in a little bit honey, the nice doctors have to see mommy again.” He yelled back to me and shut the door behind them. I listened as the car engine started and I watched as my father sped down the road to the hospital. I cried for hours, and as those hours went by, there were no phone calls from the father, none from the nice doctors, and definitely none from my mother. It wasn't until 6 hours later at 10:00pm, that my father called and told me that the doctors wanted my mother to spend the night and he would be coming home shortly without her. I noticed that after he hung up the phone, that the doctors were no longer called 'nice' from my father, and they never were again.
When he arrived home I sat on the couch, that of which I had not moved from since they left that morning. I listened as the door squeaked open, to my dad snuffling nose, to the keys drop on the counter, to his shoes plunk on the ground, to his footsteps walk in and stop at the entry way of our living room. He looked at me with blood shot eyes, eyes that I knew looked just like mine.
“My baby girl” he said with a skipping voice and held out his arms walking over to the couch.
“Daddy” I whispered as he sat down and hugged me. I cried into his chest as he cried into my hair, and we both fell asleep to wake up to a phone call at 6:00AM the morning of my Birthday, that my mother had died from a wrong diagnoses of a serve case of Septicemia at 5:52 AM, and that she had written a note for William and Klair Leslie if we wanted to stop by and pick it up. It wasn't until the day of her funeral, a whole week later, that my dad brought back the note, he handed it to me along with a wrapped box labeled, To: Klair, From: Mommy, Happy Birthday sweet girl. I opened the note...
To my beloved William and Klair,
I am sorry I must leave you both alone so quickly and in this manner. I wish you both a happy life without me, that you will accept my death and move on, always remembering me. I will watch over and guide you through your troubled times, I will still always be there. William; I loved you the first time I saw you, and I always will love you. Of course we were never the love bird type, but with all our work we always found time for each other. Just look at the beautiful creation God has blessed us with. Take care of Klair as you have taken care of me. My sweet, sweet Klair; go on in school, grow up big and strong, I'm sorry I won't be there in person to watch you grow up, watch you fall in love, support you when your heart gets broken. I will still be there though, always, don't be afraid to talk to me. You are beautiful my dear child, don't let anyone get in the way of your dreams. I'm sorry I missed your party, I hope you enjoy your present. With these last words I must say goodbye, it's my time.
Love, Rosaline: proud wife of William Leslie, proud mother of Klair Leslie
I memorized all these words and kept them in my heart, I will always remember them. After reading the letter and thinking to myself that I never did have a party, I opened the box, and pulled out a brand new pair of beautiful pink ballet slippers, those of which, still hang on the wall of my room at my fathers house.
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Chapter 5- Loves' Crazy Ways
I was in 7th grade when I first said I actually 'loved' someone. His name was Jason Decan. He liked me too, and we always passed notes and talked, but nothing ever happened between us. I always felt like I needed someone to love me, that without a boyfriend I couldn't be happy with my life, so I was always looking for someone to love. In 8th grade I 'feel in love' again, his name was Mason Carter. Kendra actually 'liked' his friend, Ashton Gage, that made us much closer friends than before. Me and Mason talked online more then in person. We would meet up at the mall occasionally with our friends. When I got there he would give me a hug, and then go smoke weed with his friends. One day Kendra told me she was over Ashton, and she was starting to like Mason. I wasn't mad at her because I always thought “well how could you not like him”, but then when he started talking to her more then me, things changed. I stopped talking to Kendra as much as I used to, and we weren't close friends anymore. I started hanging around my friend Sophie Dean, we're still friends today but I haven't heard from her in a while. Sophie liked a guy named Mitchell Davis, they're still friends, but she doesn't see him like that anymore. I still 'loved' Mason, I was always trying to get him to like me, and I would do anything and everything until he did. I went out with his his “ugly slug friend” to get closer to him, I pretended to like this kid (of which I have forgotten the name of) so I could get to Mason. I even faked it with my friends so no one would find out. It felt wrong, but it was the only thing I could think of, him being such an easy target and all. This kid had a girlfriend that he 'loved', so he broke up with me after 3 days, and I found out it wasn't worth it in the first place. Later he found out she was gay and had lied about her age and was going to college soon. Mason had a girlfriend too, Lexie, who was a complete slut, but he really 'loved' her. He broke up with her once, and I thought it was my chance, so we started talking again, and so did him and Kendra. Then one day I found out from one of his pot head friends that they were back together again, for good this time. I called Kendra and told her, I thought she should know, I layed in my bed and cried myself to sleep, and screamed over a pain that really wasn't there. After that I didn't care anymore, I was over Mason, but Kendra still wasn't. I threw out every memory I had of him, diaries, drawings, cut-out-hearts, etc. I wanted to forget him, to erase everything about him from my mind. When I switched over to the high-school I would still see him from time to time; it wasn't until a year after, that I over heard him saying “I'm over Lexie, I'm tired of fighting with her, and I'm not going to let her screw up my life anymore.”
Me and Kendra became friends again, just like it was before. Life became a little better, day after day. Kendra had written the name Mason on her door with a heart around it, it was 4 months after I stopped 'liking' Mason that for the first time it really stood out to me, when I spent the night at her house. I decided it was time to confront Kendra and let her know he wasn't worth anything, it was time to move on. I few days after our talk, I went to spend the night at Kendra's house again. His name was scratched out from the heart, and I smiled at the fact that we were finally on the same page in life, and that felt good. In the end I figured out that I didn't love Mason or Jason, Kendra found that she didn't love Ashton or Mason, Sophie didn't love Mitchell, Mason didn't love Lexie, and ugly slug found out he didn't love gay collage girl. You can live without a boyfriend (or girlfriend), it's not like you had one when you were first born. Love is not something you look for, love is something you have to let find you. Think of it as an invisible person in an empty world, you can't see them, so it does you no good to look for them, but they can see you, and if you're always moving around looking for them, it makes it harder for them to find you. So just stay put, and let love come to you, because it's usually when you finally realize that you can live alone, that you finally find real love. That's exactly what I told Kendra, and it's true, I can prove it.
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Chapter 6- Blame it all on Ice Cream
I've had a few guys ask me out, and a few ask me to dance, and a few gave me their numbers, but I never said yes and I never called. Just because a guy likes you doesn't mean your meant to like them too, you'll know when he's the right one, and sometimes it takes awhile to figure it out.
When I was five my parents took me to the park and gave me a few dollars to buy an ice cream cone while they walked along the river near by. When I got my cone, I went to walk back when a sea gull swooped down right above my head. I screamed and jumped while my ice cream fell out into the sand. I started crying, and then a little boy came up to me with his ice cream, and handed it to me.
“You can has mine” he said
“Thanks” I answered, no longer crying, or mad at the stupid bird.
“I saw that evil birdy, he was not nice to you, maybe you smell bad to him”
“What! I don't smell, mommy says only boys smell”
He sniffed me, “no you don't smell”
“You don't either” I said sniffing him back, “are you a girl?”
“No!...I don't thinks so”
“I like you, what's your name”
“Owhein”
“I'm Klair”
“Hi Kair”
“We can share this if you want?” I asked offering him his ice cream
“Okay!”
We walked along the river not to far from my parents. I would lick the ice cream, then he would lick, not very sanitary but we didn't know. Before long his mother called from the picnic tables, and he ran off, turning back to me.
“Bye Kair” he said
“Bye” I yelled, running to catch up with my parents.
It was in the middle of freshmen year when I was walking home with Kendra and Sophie, that the track team went for there evening run. I was walking a little ways in front of them, listening to my iPod, when the team jogged by. I looked up to meet the eyes of one of them with purple shorts smiling at me, and as I looked down to turn up the volume of my favorite song, 'Daylight' by Matt and Kim, I found myself smiling back.
In my sophomore year of high-school this guy was in my math class and asked me for a pencil. When I went to go give him one our fingers touched, we both jumped straight out of our chairs from the most painful shock I've ever felt.
“I'm sorry, I must of rubbed something metal” He apologized to me
“It's OK, it might have been my fault” I whispered back
“Is there a problem Mr. Fletcher?” Mrs. Brown asked him
“No mam” He answered quickly
“Then pay attention and stop bothering miss Leslie”
It was times like these where it pays off to be a teachers pet.
It wasn't until my Junior year that I finally got the message. I was at McDonalds getting myself an after school snack. Since it was 'that time of month' for me I ordered an Oreo mcflurry, but of course they were having problems with the machine. They said it would be about 8 minutes and that I could have a seat and they will bring it out to me. I sat down and got out the book I was I reading for my class project, The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, I was at the part where Susie meets Ray. She was at her locker when this beautiful boy appeared, she was nervous and became reckless, I smiled because I knew I would be the same way, “you are beautiful Susie Salmon” Ray said. I jumped when I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around to see someone, not a employee, holding my mcflurry along with his order.
“Hi, uh...I believe this is yours” He said holding out the ice cream
I paused for a minute before answering him, I thought I knew him from somewhere. “yeah, thanks” I grabbed the mcflurry, “Do I know you from somewhere?”
“Yeah, I think we go to the same school, Alma high?”
“That's it”
“I'm Owen Fletcher” he reached out with his open hand
“Klair Leslie” I replied shacking his hand “Fletcher sounds familiar”
“You were in my math class sophmore year”
“I thought I knew you”
“Is this seat taken” Owen asked, pointing to the chair across from me.
“no” I answered as he sat down, unwrapping his meal.
When I stuck a spoon full of ice cream into my mouth, I had a flashback, I was at a park, and I dropped my ice cream cone. I set down my mcflurry, and looked up at Owen, trying to figure out what seemed like a riddle in my mind.
“Are you OK?” he asked
“I know you from somewhere else”
We sat there and stared at each other, I figured it out before him, but I waited till he remembered first.
“Your the girl that sea gulls don't like.” he finally answered
“Yeah apparently” I laughed “Your English has gotten better I see”
“Yeah, I had a hard time with that, still do sometimes.” He laughed
He unwrapped a Big Mac with a large fry. I immediately made a disgusted look, and he saw that.
“There's a bug in my food isn't there?” He asked looking straight at me
“no” I laughed “It's just I'm a vegetarian, and meat really grosses me out now that I've been one for so long.”
“Oh, sorry” He wrapped up the cow, and went to throw it away
“You didn't have to do that” I said when he got back
“Nuh, we're friends now right?, and friends make sacrifices for their friends to be happy, so if not eating meat will make you happy, then I won't eat meat.”
“Sure...It will make you crazy the first few weeks”
“Yeah, I can believe that!”
“You just have to think about the pain the animals go through, and it will get better”
“I don't know how you people do it, but I guess I'll find out”
“Keep your promise, and Ill have to see you again, to make sure you didn't lose your mind because of me. We don't need anymore nuts in this world, and I wouldn't want to be responsible for one.”
We ate and talked until it got dark, then we exchanged numbers, and drove our separate ways home. When I got in the car “Daylight” by Matt and Kim was playing on the radio. I knew something then, I had solved the riddle, Owen Fletcher had to be 'the one'.
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Chapter 7-A Date, a Dream, and Everything in Between
Me and Owen made plans to have an official date that Saturday night at 8:00. Kendra and Sophie were tagging along with me to the mall to pick out a new dress. We meet at my favorite store, Forever21, and it wasn't long until I found my perfect dress. It was sweet and simple with floral eyelets, but it was white, so I would buy new shoes and a necklace to add more color if I bought it. I tried on three other dresses along with the white one, just to make sure it was the one I wanted.
“I really like this one!” I said as a slipped on a light pink ruffly dress
“Come out let me see it” Sophie said
I stepped out and their faces lit up as usual, because I could pull off just about every dress in the store.
“It fits really good around the waist, makes your boobs look bigger”
“I think it's a little to much for a first date though” Kendra said laughing
“Yeah that's what I was thinking” I said looking sadly into the mirror petting the ruffles, I loved the dress but It was a little to much. I tried on the long sleeved, tired skirt black dress with a bow in the back.
“This one looks good, its not as much as the last one either” I said opening the curtain
“I like it” Kendra said, nodding her head as I spun around indicating the big bow.
“You would get to hot in it though, being nervous and stuff, you don't want to seem to sweaty” Sophie said.
“I'll try on the white one”. I slipped on the dress that I had first thought would be perfect, and sure enough, it was. Although nothing is ever 'perfect', there are things that come very close.
“It's perfect” I said, walking out.
“That's it” Kendra said immediately.
I changed my clothes and went to look for other things to go with my new 'first date dress'. I knew I had brought Kendra and Sophie with me for a reason, they were my best friends and always new what was best for me, they aren't like those friends that say something looks good on you even when it doesn't, just to make them look better. They were people I could trust, and people I would always love, plus we were all dress obsessed, but what girl isn't? They just make you feel so beautiful. I found a necklace and shoes, so we checked out and left. I went home to get dressed and do my hair and makeup. I decided I would curl my hair slightly, and wear just a light amount of makeup, just enough to make my eyes stand out.
I heard a knock at the door. My dad was gone at a craft store, so I was thankful he couldn't pester Owen since I was finishing my 'business' in the bathroom. “Of course he decides to show up now” I thought to myself hurrying to run down the stairs. Alba our recently new husky was howling at the doorbell. I swung open the door, suddenly doubting my looks as I looked into his eyes.
“Hey, sorry I'm a little late, I got stopped by just about every stoplight, I rung the doorbell cause I wasn't sure if you heard me knock...” He went on. I read in a magazine once that if a guy seems nervous, or keeps rambling on, you should say something simple to calm him down. I stopped listening, because I was trying to remember what one of those sayings was.
“You smell good” I said, remembering one, and thinking it was the perfect line, because of the incident when we first met.
“Thanks, you look amazing” He laughed
Alba was now in the middle of us, trying to figure out who this new comer was in her home.
“I didn't know you had a dog” He said reaching down to pet her
“Yeah, we just got her a couple days ago”
“Shes still a puppy.”
“9months”
“Husky?”
“Yep, they're my favorite dogs, my dad picked her up for free somewhere out of town, he saw an ad in the paper”
“They're my favorite dogs too, do you know if there were any more?”
“No. My dad said she was the last one, the house they were in was a dump though.”
“That's a shame, at least they're all out of there, should we get going?” He said getting up
“Yeah let me grab my purse”
I ran upstairs, grabbing my purse and remembering to grab my movie theater gift card in case Owen didn't pay. We were going to see this new movie called Love Happens, it's supposed to be really good, so I suggested it.
“I hope you don't mind The Kinks” Owen said while we got in the car
“Are you kidding? I love The Kinks!”
“Really?”
“Yeah, they're one of my favorite bands.”
He puts in the CD and skipped a few songs to 'You Really Got Me'.
“Girl, you really got me going, you got me so I don't know what I'm doing...” We both sang the whole song together, even the instrumentals, It had to be the most fun I've had in a long time. With my whole life focused so much on school, I could finally be myself that night. We laughed so hard on the way there, by the time we got to the theater I had to pee so bad I couldn't wait in line, so Owen bought our tickets while I ran to the restroom. While in there I was reapplying my makeup, when an older lady came out of the stall.
“First date huh?” she asked washing her hands
“Yeah, how'd you know?”
“Well, it's only written all over your face honey”
I looked at myself in the mirror, and tried to relax my face.
“It's not a bad thing” she told me “here's an old fashion trick, let me see that lipstick there in your bag”
I handed her my red lipstick, and she dotted a little on my checks, then rubbed it in like she was drawing little circles inside of big ones, then stretching them out to the corners of my eyes
“There you are” she said smiling
I looked in the mirror and my cheeks were a perfect contrast of red and pink.
“It lightens your face, and brings out your good features. I would use that trick in high school, works like a charm.” She said rewashing her hands to get the red off
“What exactly does it do?” I asked
“Why, it make the boy realize how beautiful you really are, because it makes you think higher of yourself.” She stood their smiling at me.
Some people would think that it would be really weird if an old lady came out from a bathroom stall and started putting on their makeup, but there was nothing strange about this women. You could tell she was old by the way she talked, and how she dressed, and her outdated skin, but her presence didn't feel old. She was beautiful, she was kind, and helped me with one of the most important days of my growing life. It's a shame now a days that when people are nice, it always seems creepy. The strange thing is, I had never met my grandmother, I always imagined her in my dreams as a beautiful old women who was always there when my mother couldn't be. My grandmother was still alive when she died, and I always wanted to meet her, but my father couldn't find any contact information for her, he said it was probably meant to be, that God wanted to save a special day for me to meet her.
“Have fun dear, and don't do anything I wouldn't” where her final words to me walking out the door.
Even if this lady wasn't my grandmother, I like to believe it was, and I will never forget her, or her special trick.
“Hey sorry it took so long, there was a long line” I said to Owen walking out
“No problem, we better hurry to get seats.”
Towards the middle of the movie Owen reached over to grab my hand, and he didn't let go till the end. He drove me home and we talked about the movie, I was glad we chose that one because it wasn't too romantic, but a good date movie. Owen walked me to the door, and kissed my hand, then drove off into the night as I watched him from my bedroom window. That night I dreamed of my mom:
I was making breakfast when she walked down the stairs in her robe and slippers.
“Do you want some pancakes?” I asked
She just stood in the kitchen doorway and smiled at me
“What?”
“You found a keeper Klair, I knew that little boy at the beach had something special”
“How did you know?”
“A mother knows baby, I'm so glad to have met my new son-in-law”
“Mom were not getting married!”
She just laughed and pored a glass of orange juice, drinking it slowly, mostly just watching me continue cooking.
“What makes you think he's so special for me?” I asked her turning off the stove
“He looks at you like your a valuable gem, either he can keep you for the sentimental value, or sell you to become rich.”
“What do you think he would do”
“Most guys would sell, but Owens not like most guys” she told me finishing her orange juice and walking to the doorway, “I don't know, I could be wrong” She stood there smiling again.
“Would you stop smiling at me, it's a little creepy”
She laughed, “I love you, Klair” She said walking away
“Wait don't you want some pancakes?” I asked grabbing a plate from the pantry, but when I turned around, she was gone.
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Chapter 8-A Night to Remember
After weeks of dreading the day that me and Owen would separate, the day came all too fast. It was Sunday August 22nd the day before. Me and Owen never said a word to each other during the day. I knew if I opened my mouth tears would roll down my face, and I didn't want him to remember me crying on our last full day together. I kept a smile on my face and so did he, even if it was fake. As day turned to night, I walked out on the patio with a blanket wrapped around me to watch the sunset. I stood there and watched as all the colors; pink, orange, yellow, purple, all collided in the air to form a kaleidoscope barrier around the drifting sun. I heard the sliding glass door open behind me, and went to lay in the meadow behind Owens house, past the mini forest. Really it's just a clearing behind a few trees, but I like to fantasize my world, it makes it a happier place to live in and an easier place to share. I spread out the blanket and layed down toward the western sky as Owen layed down beside me and held my hand in his. I couldn't hold it back any longer, tears fell down my face forming tiny streams that collected into ponds near the corners of my lips. Owen pulled me closer to him, and I watched the streams trickle down his pale perfect face. He leaned in and kissed me. As the ponds exploded and salt trickled into my mouth, I couldn't help but to think that I wouldn't feel this again for two years.
Owen pushed my body softly into the ground with the weight of his body. He was very careful, I know he was afraid to do this too, but I loved him, and he loved me. The moment was so perfect, so right, how could it be wrong at a time like this? My clothes slipped off with the cotton touch of his hands, my whole body a live wire, this time the feeling was real, safe, beautiful. The sun went behind the sphere of life, the moon smiled as it rose above, stars danced across the black sky, and fireflies made the ground glow with delight.
I feel asleep in Owens arms, in the comfort of his warm bed, and woke up alone to the sound of his doorbell and a car door slamming. It was Owens parents, Marisa and Joshua Fletcher, coming back from their vacation home in Montana. They left the house for Owen to stay because he didn't want to leave me here all summer. I didn't go with them because my father wasn't feeling well, but lately the doctor said he could get along on his own if he came back regularly for a checkup. I sat in the bed for awhile, remembering what today is, and also what happened last night. I got out of bed and wobbled in place, I felt like I just had whiplash. I searched through Owens dresser; I knew there was something of mine in it, I didn't want to go down there to his parents looking like a bum. I fond an old skirt of mine and slipped it on along with a pink shirt of Owens, I read the tag, 'Roxy'? I ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, my hair was a mess and I decided I was going to stop eating so many pancakes because they're starting to hit me in the wrong places. I searched under the sink for my emergency makeup bag, I threw on some foundation and mascara and walked down the stairs.
“Well there is the sleepy beauty,” Marisa said, kissing me on the check.
“Good morning sweetheart,” Joshua kissed my hand.
“Hi, how was your vacation?”
“Wonderful, besides the fact that our basement flooded during a weeks worth of rain, and the handyman didn't come to fix it till 6 days later, but me and Joshua found a way to fix it,” Marisa said winking at her husband.
“How did you fix it yourselves?”
“We turned it into a skinny dipping pool,” Joshua laughed
“They're telling the truth,” Owen said as he handed me a cup of strawberry tea, my favorite.
I always loved Owens parents, they are 50 some years old and still act 21. When I grow old I want to be just like them, never stop living and always having fun. They accepted me for who I am the first day I met them, and Marisa instantly became the mother figure in my life. My dad saw that, so he never denied me going over to Owens and I could stay as long as I wished.
The day rolled by way to fast and suddenly it was 3:00PM, my flight leaves at 7 for Washington, and Owens leaves at 9 for Minnesota. He threw his bags which he already packed in the trunk, and drove me to my dads house so I could pack my stuff and say goodbye to my father, who I was very worried about leaving alone for two years. I don't have a car because nowadays my fathers paintings only sell for a what the minimum wage was in the 18th century, I basically live off Owen and his family. My father used to give them gas/food money to thank them for their hospitality, but when they found out how much we were paying for hospital bills they returned all the money and wouldn't accept anymore. I knew it would hurt my dad if I told him, so I pretended to give them the money and would return it to the 'emergency money' box under his bed; that of which he never counts.
“My baby girl” he said, getting up from his easel which held up a picture of the sunset; instantly reminding me of last nights hoopla, and I suddenly became afraid he would notice that I had sex.
“Hi daddy”
“How are you young man?” He asked, firmly shaking Owens hand.
“Very good, thank you; I see your paintings have been coming along well.”
“Yeah, well...I just can't seem to get it right anymore” he said, sitting down on the stool and dipping the brush in pink.
“It looks magnificent daddy, you're just trying to hard,” I reassured him as I kissed him on the cheek and went upstairs to my room. It was exactly the way I left it, and I didn't expect anything different. I stuffed practically everything into two large suit cases and Owen helped me carry them down the stairs.
“Wait” I gasped, remembering something very important. I ran back into my room and grabbed the perfect pink ballet slippers dangling off a hook in my wall. As I turned to leave my room, something shiny caught my eye, I looked down and found the necklace I used to wear everyday when I was little, it was a golden heart with my birthstone in the middle, and my dad bought it for me on my first Birthday. I wasn't allowed to wear it till I was 4, and I took it off when me and my dad got in a huge fight one night when I was 13; I snuck out of the house with Kendra and we went to Sophie's party after we were both told we couldn't go.
I stuck it in my pocket and shoved the slippers in my bag. As streams poured down my fathers face, and mine as well, we said goodbye and I gave him the necklace to keep till I got back. We pulled out of the driveway and drove down the road to the airport, where I would give my hardest goodbye of all. Owen would watch me leave, and wait another 2 hours in agony for his plane, because he insisted to be there when I left.
“5 minutes till the plane leaves for Seattle Washington, 5 minutes” The announcer spoke the words of my nightmares.
“Last night was wonderful Klair, lets always remember that night.” Owen whispered to me as he held me tight.
“Forever” I said as I kissed him, and boarded my plane to hell.
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Chapter 9-At the Bottom of Everything
I walked down the hallway to get on the plane. It seemed as if I was walking forever, walking into a black hole, the ponds at the corners of my lips began to grow larger. I found a window seat alone, and slowly slunked down into the two-many-people-have-sat-in-this-and-now-there-is-absoultley-no-support chair. I felt like everyone was watching me, but when I looked out in the aisle everyone was doing there own thing. A girl around my age sat in the window seat next to me listening to her iPod, I guess she felt me looking at her so she turned to me and smiled. An old woman rested her head on an old mans shoulder watching the feature movie about some guy dancing like he's gay. A middle age man was crying, holding a picture of a beautiful little girl, probably hes daughter. The plane took off, and suddenly I felt really sick. I decided that the girl next me had the right idea, so I got my iPod, Harmony by Never Shout Never, I fall asleep listening to this song. I woke up with an extreme urge to pee, so I went to the restrooms and checked the time on my phone, 9:05 PM, Owen should be boarding his plane now. I want to get off this plane, I want to get off now, I want to go home, I want to be with Owen. I'm so stressed and confused that streams form on my checks, again. “I'm so sick and tired of crying” I think to myself. I sit on the toilet with my head between my knees and closed my eyes, “breathe in, breath out, in, out, in, out.” I open my eyes, and stare at a puddle of blood, I get up and look in the mirror, a nose bleed. “Why do I have such bad luck on airplanes?” I think back to all the past times I flew on an airplane while I stuff my nose with cheep toilet paper.
I was 6, it was my first time flying, we were going to Disney Land and I puked all over this lady on my way to the restroom with my mom. I was 8, my dad had an interview with someone to design a logo for some magazine, and he couldn't find a babysitter; I passed out when the plane flew through a thunderstorm. The last time I flew a plane was when I was 15, I was flying solo to go to a collage prep camp in South Dakota; they lost my luggage, and I was 3 hours late to the camp.
I sat back down in my seat, toilet paper still stuffed up my nose, now all eyes were on me. I turned to the window and I heard a thump next me.
“That nose bleed is probably from being so stressed out, it's just a plane, relax a little.”
I turned around and the girl with the iPod was seating in the seat beside me. “I've never had a nose bleed before,” I said, not sure how to reply.
“Hmm, well the air is kinda dry up here, I'm Dianne Clemens,” she stretched out her hand.
“Klair Leslie” I said, shaking it.
“Ever hear of Bright Eyes?”
“Um, what?”
“Bright Eyes, he's a singer” she laughed
“Oh, uh...no, sorry”
“There's nothing to be sorry for! Here, listen,” she handed me an ear bud while she put the other one in her ear. The song was about an airplane crash and people dying, but it was happy somehow.
“Isn't this amazing?” She asked
“Who is this again?”
“Bright Eyes.”
I wrote the name down in the notepad on my phone so I wouldn't forget. He's voice reminded me so much of Owens, I had to listen to more.
“Do you have anymore songs by him?”
“Like 100,” she laughed and played another song. I must have fallen asleep again because I woke up to some man behind me snoring like a grizzly bear in deep hibernation. Dianne was gone, but her iPod was still in the chair. I looked out the window at the passing clouds and the miniaturized world below. I closed my eyes and pretended to be a bird. “Dear God, make me a bird, so I could fly far, far, far away from here.” I nearly jumped straight out of my chair when I heard a loud thump next to me.
“Whoa! Someone's a little jumpy” Dianne laughed
“Where did you go?” I asked calming down.
“To get another pack of peanuts.” She said waving a little blue bag in my face.
“Excuse me,” I said as I ran to the restroom because I suddenly had to pee extremely bad. All stalls were in use, shit, I bang on the door.
“What!” someone yells.
“Will you hurry up, I have to pee,” I scream. All eyes were on me again, but I didn't care, I was angry at these people for deciding they had to go to the bathroom at the same time I did. I hear a flush, the stall behind me opens.
“Thank you!” I run in and pee for 2 minutes straight, relieved, I feel bad for screaming at that poor person.
I sit back down; Dianne was laughing at me. “People pee a lot when they're nervous.”
“Are you a doctor?” I ask her, angry again.
“No, but my dad is.”
“Look, no bad feelings, I guess I am kinda nervous” I say, taking more deep breaths.
“You're fine, after all we have been on this plane for over 2 hours now.”
“Where are you going?”
“Seattle Washington, I'm visiting my Aunt, how about you?”
“Same, except I'm going to Cornish.”
“Ah, I'm not cut out for that crap, an artist doesn't need collage, it would make things easier and I'd be more experienced, but it's not for me.”
“My dad is an artist. I'm just a photographer.”
“Everyone can draw, it's something you learn to do, just like singing”
“Do you have anymore Bright Eyes songs?”
“You Listened to them all, and some more than once, but you were sleeping; here.” she handed me her iPod and I listened to 'Owens voice' until we got to Seattle. With each person you meet, means more people to say goodbye too, I left my new friend and went to call Owen back while I got a cab to take me to Cornish.
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Chapter 10- Cut out the Negative
I walk up to the main building of the campus, and to the front desk.
“Name please,” the lady sitting behind the desk asks
“Klair Leslie”
“What's your major Miss. Leslie?”
“Photography”
“Your room number is 310, you will be rooming with Cassandra Miller, she should be already up there I just checked her in not to long ago.”
“OK, thank you very much.”
“Enjoy your stay” She yells, as I drag my luggage out the door to a bus. I ride the magical tour bus around in circles until I get to a sign labeled PHOTOGARPHY: Music and arts, I get out and find myself floating to the entrance. As soon as I open the large brass door the sound of music floods all around me and fills my ears with tingly joy. I walk down the hall and take in the wonders of this place; piano lessons in one room, stage practice, painting, dancing, designing, and technical things that I don't understand. Room 310, I knock, the door opens.
“You must be Klair.” A short, petite girl said to me.
“Yeah, I'm guessing your Cassandra.”
“You can call me me Cassie,” She smiled and opened the door wider so I could squeeze my things in. Cassie talked a lot, she told me everything there was to know about her while I was unpacking. She told me how she grew up in a small town in Arizona, and how her mom left her when she was little and her dad still hasn't found the right person for him yet. Cassie said she still gets sugar rush like little kids so if she comes in the room all hyper she's not drunk. She said a lot of other things too, but after a while my mind couldn't hold anymore words, all I could think about was Owen. Cassie was really pretty, she had long dark hair and a perfect tan which I believe she said comes naturally. I personally hate being tan, pale is my color. After a few hours I was completely settled in, or at least as much as I was going to be.
“I go running early every morning around campus. You can join me if you want, but in case you're still asleep, if you hear something it's just me.” Cassie said, throwing some jogging clothes on the dresser.
“I'm not really a runner...please excuse me, I have to use the restroom.”
“That's fine” she said, nodding her head like I asked her a question. I had to go pee again, that's like the 44th time since I got on the plane; “am I really that nervous?” So far things have gone fine since I hit the ground. I got a cab right away, the lady at the desk didn't give me any trouble, I have a great room mate who talks too much but I can see us getting along well. I go through all the good things and cut out the negative as I flush and wash up. I look in the mirror, and deiced that I will get up early to run with Cassie, I need it more than she does.
I have a dream...Owen is far away, but I can still see him. I run and run but everything is in slow motion, no matter how hard I try I can't reach him. I run so fast my stomach cramps, and then everything becomes splattered in red, the pain hurts so bad I scream. I'm awake, screaming, the light is on, and Cassie is standing above me with a concerned look.
“Are you OK?” she asks sleepily.
“Yeah, I just had a dream I was running and I got really bad cramps so I screamed.” I got up to go to the bathroom when I heard a gasp behind me.
“That's probably why you had cramps, there are extra sheets under the bed, you should just throw those one's out.”
“Wha-...” I looked down to find blood spotted sheets, I touch the back of my shorts and bring my hand up to my eyes, red; that was the red. “Oh my God.”
“You're fine, things like this always happen, you go wash up and ill change the sheets.”
I grabbed a new pair of pajamas from the dresser, and my purse with extra 'just in case' tampons, and went to the restroom. I checked my calendar on my phone and it was the week I should have started on, “How could I forget?” When I came back out, my bed was changed, the dirty sheets were in the laundry pile, and Cassie was back in bed. I woke up early to run with her, after my three more trips to the restroom that night, “maybe I should try yoga, or call Owen every hour instead of every two.” I thought to myself as I started to think that going running was a very bad idea.
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Chapter 11- Glad Klair Isn't Here (Owens point of view)
I got a room at a cheap hotel, because apparently you can't check into the college until morning, and it's 3:55am. My plane stopped for fuel, and was delayed getting back into the air. My room smells, and I don't even want to know what that brown spot in the corner is. I need to take a hot shower to calm myself down, and to get my mind off Klair. I open the shower curtain to see a black rim around the tub, “The maid must have forgot to clean it.” I say out loud to myself.
I turn on the shower and spray it off. After waiting 20 minutes for the water to heat up, I get in and let the water pour over face, attempting to forget everything, but for some reason I can never forget Klair. I feel something on my shoulder, I open my eyes and turn my head, and-
“AHH, OH MY GOD A SPIDER”I scream, slapping it off and falling into the curtain, bringing it down with me as I fall out of the tub. Once I scramble out of the cocoon trying to suffocate me, I lean over the edge of the tub and watch the helpless spider swirl into the drain.
“Ha, that's what you get, stupid spider, I hate spiders, them and their 18,000,000 legs and 7,000 eyes, eh,” I get up and decided that I will take a shower before class tomorrow morning.
After wiping up the flooded bathroom with the one towel I had, I put on my pajamas and turned on the TV. Can't get channel 59, can't get channel 60, can't get 57, no 12, no 46, “what the fuck, they don't even have animal planet! You have got to be kidding me! The only channel I get is 2? The volume doesn't even work right!” One minute Obama was talking so soft I could barely hear him, and then he would scream. I tried to make him shut up with the remote but it was no use.
“Good evening my fellow AMERICANS, I have an IMPORTANT MESSAGE to bring to you FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.” Fuzzzzzzzzzz, I turned off the TV, it was all black and white anyway. I turned off the lamp and tried to get some sleep. Then I heard the TV turn on, turn off, on, off, on, off; I looked at my remote on the night stand. I turned the lamp back on and unplugged the TV. I got back in bed with the light on this time. I just closed my eyes, when I heard a loud slam. I jumped out of bed and the bathroom door that I had left open was shut.
“Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my great goodness, I gotta get out of here, right now” I say, as I grabbed all my stuff and ran out the door, speed walking past the lady at the front desk still up reading a book.
“Can I help you sir”
“No, no you can not, and I would advise you to check your rooms for spiritual possession,” I say pointing my finger at her and noticing that I was still in my boxers. I opened the door and ran to my car, deciding to sleep in there until morning.
“What a nut!” I hear the lady yell from behind.
I woke up to the sun glaring in my face, “What time is it?” I looked at my phone and it was 7:30am, I set my alarm for 9:00; 12 missed calls from Klair. “Why didn't I hear them”, I checked my phones volume, vibrate. I call her back and talk to her about my wonderful night without her until it's time for me to go check in.
“Good morning,” the lady at the information desk calls to me as I come in the door.
“Hi, I'm Owen Fletcher, it's my first day here.”
“Hold on a moment as I find your account...room 219, your room mate is Chris Statford. Go down the hall and to the elevators, up to floor 2, and turn to the left.”
“Alright, thanks,” I did what she told me and arrived at room 219, the door was unlocked and I walked in. Some overweight guy was laying on the bed with leopard panties on listening to his iPod. I stood there in shock, and when he opened his eyes after a full out head banging session he screamed. Another guy ran out of the bathroom completely naked and steam blew into the room.
“What?” the naked guy asked panicking.
The panty guy pointed at me, I was still standing there in now even more shock. “I knew you were cheating on me, how dare you!” he yelled at the naked guy.
“What, I didn't cheat on you, I don't even know who the hell this guy is.”
“Yeah right, I can't believe you,” the panty guy said putting on pants and a shirt and barging out the door, pushing me off to the side. Now is my time, I turn to run.
“You,” the naked said, now with a towel wrapped around him.
“I...um...I,” I run, and he follows. The room number 219 flys by my eyes, I turned around missing the guy trying to punch me by an inch, and jumped into the room locking the door. I fall to the floor exhausted..
“You alright there?” I hear someone ask.
“I'm not sure”
“What happened man?” he asks, helping me up.
“I walked into room 219, but there was this guy and this other gay...I mean guy, and he ran and I ran and another room and now...,” I ran out of breathe.
He burst out laughing, “Didn't the secretary tell you the maintenance worker made a mistake and turned the '6' to room 216 around to a '9'.”
“No, I think she left that part out.”
“No worries man, you'll be fine, we're all guys and we all know what those things look like.”
“Yeah, but I didn't want to see his.”
“Better get used to it if your taking a fitness class, didn't you shower in high school?”
“No, and thank God I didn't sign up for that.”
“I'm Chris,” he said shaking my hand.
“Owen, mind if I use the shower?”
“Nope”
I finally take a real shower, with no spiders, and no creepy black rings. I am so glad Klair isn't here with me, she would've dumped me and fell in love with Chris without a second thought; since he's British and all.
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Chapter12- Black (Back to Klair)
My alarm clock goes off and I run to the bathroom because I feel like I'm going to barf. A few minutes later I walk back out and Cassie is waiting by the door.
“Come on I'm taking you to the doctor.”
“What, no I'm fine, I'm just homesick and I miss my boyfriend. This college thing is really stressing me out that's all.”
“Klair this has been going on for almost a week now and I really think you should get things checked out.” I didn't want to make my room mate mad at me, so I got my purse and went with her while she called us off class for the day.
“This isn't necessary.” I pouted
“Well I'm sure it's not, but your still going because if you have some wacko disease I'm not getting it too.” We arrive at the hospital and I have to fill out a bunch of papers because I'm new, and I have to wait in the waiting room for them to be processed and for a doctor to come back from her lunch break.
“Klair Leslie come with me please,” Me and Cassie follow a nurse into a stairalized room.“How are you feeling Klair?”
“Fine” I lied.
“She has been up every morning for a week now running in the bathroom because she says she has to barf. She has been very moody because her boyfriend went off to a different college. Her blood flow is abnormal. She also has been up multiple times day and night to urinate.” Cassie answered in doctor language for me.
“Yes, I have been queasy in the mornings, and he didn't just go off, we had a very sincere talk about it, and yes my period is abnormal but it's not the first time, and I have been peeing because I am nervous!” I corrected Cassie.
“Have you been vomiting at all Klair?” the doctor asks.
“No, I just feel like it.”
“Are you and your boyfriend still together?”
“Yes”
“Do you still have feelings for each other?”
“Excuse me?”
“After your talk, did you talk about breaking up, or leaving each other?”
“No! We had a little fight but it's over, we talk multiple times each day,” I said as the doctor language started to sink into me.
“You said you were nervous; why?
“Because it's been a long time since I've been away from home and my boyfriend. Not to mention I just started college.”
“Have you noticed a shift in your mood swings?”
“Not anything different then what I would expect from me in this situation.
“Thank you for answering those questions for me, I will be back in a few minutes.”
After me and Cassie waited in the room for 2 hours, the doctor came in and had me put on a paper dress. After that me and Cassie followed her to a tiny room with one chair and a computer in the back.
“I'm sorry miss but I have to have the patient's permission for you to accompany her in this room,” the nurse said to Cassie as she was following me in.
“She's fine,” I gave Cassie permission to come in because I was suddenly afraid that I do have some wacko disease, and I didn't want to be by myself with these so called doctors who I don't even know.
“Have you had nose bleeds and weight gain along with you frequent urinating, mood swings, morning sickness, and no vaginal discharge?” the doctor asked me, while putting some goop on my stomach.
“Yeah, I did have a nose bleed on the plane, and I've been noticing weight gain before I left because I was eating more. I eat more then usual when I'm nervous.”
“Have you had any sexual intercourses with your boyfriend within the last 3 months?”
“About a week ago...what does this have to do with anything?”
“A week ago?”
“Yes, 1 week ago was our first time; this is personal information here.”
“Klair, your 3 months pregnant.”
Black.
I had a dream, and Owen was holding my hand as we walked along some train tracks in the middle of nowhere. A train was coming, Owen tried to pull me away but I was stuck, the train hit me. As it rolled by as if nothing ever happened, I caught a glimpse of the conductor, it was Kevin Hwit, with a big ass smile on his face. When the train was gone and only the sound of the wind could be heard, Owen walked away, and didn't look back.
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Chapter 13- Let Everything Out
I woke up in a black room to the sound of Cassie's voice.
“Yeah the doctor said she would be fine, it's normal behavior to pass out after this. Pause. Alright, are you gonna be OK? Pause. Your welcome, bye Owen. Click.” Owen... Cassie must have found his number in my phone. I sat up and pulled a scratchy blanket off my body.
“Klair, are you OK?” Cassie asked me.
“No!”
“Here's your clothes, the bathrooms right across from here.” She said turning on the lights and handing me my clothes.
I squinted my eyes at the bright light and went to change my clothes. I opened the door to a portal that I wished would take me away from this world. I sat down by the beach while the ocean over followed and washed me away. The birds flew down from the sky and the crabs come out of the sand, they created a beautiful dress and pulled it over my head. I looked into the water and saw the smile of the happiest girl on Earth. I came back to reality and stared in the mirror as thoughts flooded my head.
“Is it to late to get an abortion? Do I want one? Would Owen want One?” So many questions. “ What does Owen think of this? Why me? I can't do this. I have to leave, now.” I walked back into the dark room that wasn't so dark anymore.
“I need to get out of here” I strickily told Cassie
“We need to stay to get the infor-”
“Give me your keys!” The rain was coming.
“Where do you think your going? How am I supposed to get back then?”
“Give me the goddamn keys, Cassie,” I screamed. She threw me the keys and I stormed out of the hospital to Cassie's car. I locked the doors and turned on the engine, I drove away from that hell hole. I drove and drove and drove until the gas was almost on empty, then I shattered. I pulled off to the side of the highway and let the oceans form on my lips, I let the monkey run free and I let the bear inside me crawl out; I let everything out. I wanted to die, I wanted to kill the demon inside me, I wanted Owen, but I didn't want him to see me like this, I wasn't myself anymore. I turned the car back on and drove to the nearest gas station, hoping they would have a pay phone. I found a BP, and an old rusted phone. I dug through Cassie's car and found a few quarters and two 20 dollar bills. I put the quarters in and dialed Owen's number. Ring...no answer. “This is Owen, leave a message after you know what, beep.” Click. I took the 20 dollar bill inside and exchanged it for $5 in quarters. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Out of quarters, out of my mind. I filled up the gas with the other $20 and drove to my new home figuring Cassie had already found a way there. “ Why isn't he answering? Is he mad? Sad? At the airport? In late class? Why isn't he answering?” I made it 'home' and Cassie opened the door before I could even touch it.
“Where the hell have you been, do you know what time it is?” She said pointing to the clock. “It's 1:12 A.M.!”
I walked past her to the bathroom and slammed the door the shut. I puked my guts out and she didn't say a word after that.
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Book 14- I Want My Life Back
I woke up curled in a fetal position on the bathroom floor. I felt better, I was just really dizzy. I stood up slowly and looked into the mirror, my face looked drained and my hair was a greasy frizzy mess. I looked dead. I was extremely tired but I managed to brush my barf covered teeth and wash my face. I opened the door and it was pitch black in the room, I moved toward my side of the tiny room and ran into the dresser; knocking something off and waking Cassie up. She quickly turned on the lamp on her nightstand and rushed over to help me into bed.
“The school office said you could have this week off school. After you have the baby you can have 4 months maternity leave, but none before or after that.” Cassie told me petting my head which was pounding 100 miles a minute.
“What's today?”
“Sunday September 15th”
“Where's my phone?”
“It's right here on the stand, now get some sleep.” She went back to bed and turned off the light.
I reached over and grabbed my phone, no new calls. I wanted to cry, but I didn't want to scare Cassie anymore, and I was too tired to even open my eyes all the way. I put my phone under the pillow so I could feel it vibrate if he called early in the morning, and I drifted into my dreams which lately have been only nightmares.
Buzz, buzz, buzz. I sat up and answered my phone quicker then I should have considering I have a parasite inside of me.
“Owen?”
“No...it's Kendra.” I didn't know what to say. I hadn't spoken to Kendra since the incident. That was completely unlike us; we were best friends and talked almost everyday, not every 3 months. I was sad it wasn't Owen, I was mad it wasn't him, but I was happy to hear Kendra's voice again. A million emotions filled my body at once and I fell back into my pillow.
“Klair...”
“Um, hey”
“I'm on my way now, I just got off the plane, I need to know the address of your college so I can program it into my GPS.”
“2389 Cornish North road, why are you coming here?”
“Owen called me and asked if I could stay with you while your room mate went to class, I don't start school till next year.”
“ Owen called you!” I sprung up again, way too fast.
“Yeah...why do you sound so frantic Klair calm down.”
“Calm down? CALM DOWN!? I just found out I'm pregnant with Kevin's baby, I've called Owen 11 times and he hasn't answered or called me back, but yet he answers when Cassie calls him and he calls you!”
“You have to settle Klair, babies can feel the emotions their mothers feel, you could kill it if you keep acting this way.”
“Maybe I want it dead”
“Don't say that Klair. I'll be their in an hour and everything will be alright. I won't leave until you make me.”
“What did Owen say?”
“He was acting really weird, like he was sick. He kept breathing hard and stuff. He just asked me to go stay with you and he said he had to go.”
“Go where?”
“I don't know, I asked if he was going to get a plane ticket but he hung up.” I was speechless, nothing Kendra was telling me about Owen sounded like Owen. Everything and everyone was wrong. Me and Kendra never fight, but here I am, screaming at her over the phone with my problems. I wanted my life back, and all I could think about was killing this thing inside me and killing it's 'father' too.
“Where's Kevin?” I asked, feeling a rage splurge through me.
“He's in jail right now for attempted rape and murder.”
“Of me?”
“Well the judge decided 12 years in jail for attempt of rape on you and attempt of murder on me.”
“He tried to kill you?”
“Well, not exactly. I went upstairs after you woke me up and found him pacing back and forth in my room. When he turned around I slapped him across the face and he slammed me into the wall, and ripped my speakers out from the wall. He tried to throw them at me but I ran. I went to my neighbors and called the police. I heard his tires screech has he drove off; the police called an hour later saying they found him speeding on the highway. They decided not to charge him for that because he already had enough mess in his hands.”
“What's the jail called?”
“Walters Prison, its on James street. Why?”
“Just wondering, oh and Kendra...?”
“Yeah?”
“There's no need for you to come, I won't be here anyway.”
“Where...click.” I went to my computer and made a mapquest to Walters Prison on James street. I grabbed the wallet filled with emergency money from under my mattress and left the dorm. I was going to become Kevin's worst nightmare.
The air around me is wet and sticky. I feel like I'm suffocating, like someones hovering over me, something hurts. It's dark, pitch black, I can't see anything. I hear someones breath, I feel it, I can taste it. Where am I? Where are my clothes? Whats happening? Who is this person? Who am I? Questions...more questions...so many questions. The person is breathing harder, hands, fingers, lips, touching me. I feel different, but I remembered I wanted something, but I don't remember what that something was. Why is it so hot? Why do I feel things touching me? More questions...so many questions. My mind is somehow every place I've ever been all at once. Then I hear something “I've always loved you Klair”. Love...I know that word. “Why are you so still? I thought you wanted me?” Wanted...I wanted something. “Leaving me to do all the work, huh?” I know this voice, I've heard it many times before, but where? “Alright, Alright, just try to lighten up OK babe?” I know now, his name is Kevin, Kevin Hwit, my best friends boyfriend. “Your my girl now Klair.” The pain in between my legs leaves, things start coming back to me, little by little. “So...how was it babe?” A rage builds up inside of me, a feeling of extreme hate is bubbling through my whole body, Suddenly I remember.
“What did you tell me?”, I find myself asking aloud.
“What?” Kevin asked.
“What did you tell me, before?”
“Um...that I love you Klair, your my girl now.” Suddenly everything inside me, the rage, the hate, bursted just like that. I exploded with just those four tiny words coming from Kevin's shit hole mouth, “your my girl now.”
“I am not your girl.” I snarled at him, pouring all that rage right into his heart.
“Oh come on babe, I love you.”
“Don't call me babe! What the hell are you doing with me? Your with Kendra! You love Kendra! You don't love me! Owen loves me!” I found myself screaming. Owen...Owen loves me? Owen...yes, I love Owen. Owen Fletcher, the guy that I screamed at before I came here, the guy that screamed at me as I left his house with tears. Where is here? I looked around, letting my eyes adjust, when I saw a crossed out heart drawn on the door; Kendra's door.
“God, I didn't know you were such a bitch,” Kevin said under his breath. I looked down at him, wondering how I got on top of him in the first place.
“Your an ass hole.” I said as I got up, searching for my clothes.
“Where do you think your going, I drove you here.”
“I'll walk” I answered, as I found my bra on top of Kendra's laptop, on the other side of the room.
“Come on, at least let me drive you to where ever you wanna go” he said as he started to get out of bed
“No.” I yelled, and found my last piece of missing clothing, my jacket, sticking halfway out from underneath the bed. I slipped it on and threw open the door when I felt a stiff hand grab my arm and pull me back.
“Just wait a minute Klair,” Kevin pleaded. Without thinking I grabbed the first thing I could reach for, something long and wooly, and threw it at his face.
“Fuck off” I said, and slammed the door behind me. I ran down the stairs and was about to get out, about to escape, when I heard a faint noise. Knowing it wouldn't hurt me, I turned around.
“Klair” Kendra whimpered again, waking up on the couch.
“Kendra” I said in a sigh, slightly wishing she had stayed asleep, but yet glad she was awake.
“Where are you going?” she said sitting up, making a disgusted face at all the mess.
“Kendra?” I asked softly
“Yeah.” She replied
“I think your boyfriend just fucked me up” and with that I left her, passed out on the couch, half from all the drinks,and half from the words that came out of my mouth involving the guy she thought had loved her.
Not knowing where I was going, or where I was going to end up, the cold wind blew against my face, sending chills up and down my spine. My scarf...I forgot my scarf! Then I remembered, the long wooly thing I threw at Kevin, and accepted I'd never again see the scarf my mother knitted for me, just six months before she passed.
After what seemed like hours of endless tromping through mud in the woods, I stumbled up onto a highway, and collapsed near the side of the road. There were barely any cars on the road, and a few minutes later the sun peeked over the billboards, and more cars began to pass. When I finally decided I could no longer feel any part of my body, I began to slowly nod off to sleep just as a car I thought I saw before pulled over to the side.
“What the hell are you doing?” A shocked and worried voice asked me. I knew that voice from the first syllable...Owen Fletcher.
“Owen,” I manged to quiver out of my now shaking body.
“Oh my God, Klair!”
He picked me up and held me close, bringing me into his car. I felt safe now, like I belonged, I finally figured out where I was going. I was going to Owen, and I would've walked till I found him, or froze on the side of the road. 'He's here' I kept telling myself, 'I'm safe'. I didn't notice just how completely exhausted I was, until I was layed in the backseat and Owen began driving, singing the song he wrote for me when we first met. I fell asleep in complete serenity, knowing I was were I was meant to be...with Owen.
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Chapter 2-A Perfect Picture In A Slight Mess
I woke up in a soft bed that I had spent many hours in before. I sat up, taking in Owens slightly messy room, breathing in his familiar and comforting sent. As I looked around I noticed something I never noticed before, pictures...pictures of me, pictures of me and Owen, scattered in all different places. I got up to get a closer look when I noticed I was only wearing one of Owens oversized sweatshirts, but I didn't care. On his desk was the picture of us at Niagara Falls on a school trip, my eyes were closed and my nose was scrunched up as Owen kissed me on the check in the misty fog. In a frame next to his stereo was my favorite picture of us. I remember that day perfectly, it was sunset, me, Owen, and Kendra where walking along an old train track. Kendra brought her new camera she had got for her birthday. Owen dragged me over on the train tracks, and pulled me close, resting his forehead on mine, our noses almost touching. My heart was beating so fast, I was afraid he would be able to feel it.
“You're blushing” He whispered
“Really, I never blush”
“Is that so? Cause it looks like you are.”
“I think your eyes are going bad.”
“I think so too, cause everyday I'm with you I live in a dream, and everyday I'm not I live in a nightmare. So, I'm really always sleeping, but my eyes are never closed, unless, I'm really sleeping.”
I laughed at his attempt to flatter me, but it worked.
“Owen Fletcher” I whispered, staring into his gorgeous black hole eyes. I didn't even have to ask him, and at that moment, he leaned in and kissed me. The ground dropped from underneath me, the world around us began to spin so fast it was all a blur, it was just me and Owen for that small fragment of time, no one else existed in the world. As he slipped his lips slowly away from mine, his eyes opened and he smiled at me, I smiled back; I could never seem to help it.
“I love you Klair Leslie” Owen said, rapping his arms tighter around me.
“You closed your eyes”
“Really, I never close me eyes, unless, I'm really sleeping.”
He made me laugh, again. “I love you too.”
FLASH, Kendra took the picture right there, just moments after our first kiss, moments after we said those three killer yet beautiful words, just moments after the best moment of my life.
I felt someones hands pull me into a hug from behind, it made me jump at first, but I knew who it was. I slowly turned around to see my Owen with his hair uncombed and still in his pajama bottoms.
“I know you like to sleep in over sized shirts, and it was kinda chilly this morning so...” He said sheepishly, as if he was afraid I would be upset he changed my clothes without me knowing.
“I don't care, thanks.” I reassured him
“Yeah, no problem.”
“I'm sure it wasn't”
“Well it was a little hard getting those skinny jeans off.” he nodded toward the dresser where my clothes were, perfectly folded.
I laughed “You should try getting them on.”
“I should!” he said, and went over and garbed my jeans, attempting to try and get them on. I burst out laughing so hard that my stomach felt like a rock. He could barley get them over his knees and they stopped just before his waist. He cracked up too, happy to see my smile again I'm sure. When he finally got the pants off, he stared at the picture of us on the railroad tracks.
“It's my favorite,.” He said, and I wasn't surprised.
“Mine too”
“I made breakfast, another one of your favorite things”
“What's that?”
“Blueberry pancakes, with orange juice. I thought you might like them for breakfast.”
“What time is it?”
We both turned to his alarm clock on the end table. “4 o'clock” he answered
“Oh wow!” I couldn't believe the time, but then again, I was probably only here around six hours, and that's not enough time for me.
“Yeah, actually pancakes sound really good right now.” I decided
“I thought so” He smiled
I ate my pancakes in record time, and downed my orange juice so fast I almost chocked. I was starving, and forgot that I hadn't eaten in the last two days. I was finished before Owen was done with half of his regular pancakes, he hates blueberries but always keeps in the fridge for me and my pancakes, since I spend plenty mornings here with him.
“Hungry much?” he asked
“No, just a little,” I said being sarcastic
I heard him chuckling at my not so funny words, and I found that maybe, he just can't help it either.
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Chapter 3- Reality Becomes the Truth
I felt disgusting, I needed to take a shower. My whole body was limp and my hair felt like a grease wad. Since I didn't have extra clothes to change into, Owen washed my old ones for me while I washed up in his way-too-small-to-fit-two-people shower. When he handed me the still warm clothes, they felt cold as ice when they touched my hands. They brought back memories that I didn't want to remember, things that I didn't know about, and things that I wasn't sure if I even wanted to know. I dropped them immediately, and looked up at Owens face seeking his comfort.
“What's wrong?” Owen asked frantically
“Nothing. I just...I'm sorry.” I said as I started stumbling over my words. Suddenly, I just wanted those clothes gone.
“For what?” Owen asked, worried about my freakish attitude.
“I know you washed them and everything but... can you just throw them away?” I asked.
He picked them up off the floor and threw them away in the bathroom garbage. Owen pulled out a pair of purple shorts that he used to wear for track our freshman year and handed them to me. I slipped them on and layed down on the bed, now too exhausted to care to change out of the sweatshirt. Owen layed down beside me and kissed my check, pulling back to stare directly into my eyes.
“Tell me what happened Klair, please.” Own pleaded
“I can't”
“Why? Come on Klair I have to know, I can't just walk around and watch you like this.”
“ I can't tell you because I don't know everything that happened.”
“Then tell me what you do know.”
“OK,” I paused for a second as the memory butterflies flew into my brain, “after our little fight...”. I stopped there, because Owen closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, I knew he hated looking back on that just as much as I did.
I was staying the night at Owens besides going to Kendra's party that she was inviting all our high school friends to. I had submitted an application to the Cornish College of the Arts to be a photographer, and I received a letter in the mail that afternoon that I had been accepted. Owen had also applied to the same collage in the field of music. I wanted to surprise him with my exception letter, and I thought that maybe if he had received his he would do the same. During our dinner of left over pizza Delivery from Papa Johns, I decided it was the right time to show him.
“So, I got this letter in the mail.” I said
“Oh really? I got a lot of letters in the mail, actually I usually do everyday.” Owen replied in his usual sarcastic way
“No, I mean I got into the collage, Cornish!”
“Really? Klair that's great! ”
“ I know, now we can go to the same collage, we can always be together. I know you got accepted in the collage for sure Owen, did you get your letter?
“Yeah, actually I did” He said, going to get the letter in a stack of papers on the counter
“Saving it for a surprise, huh?”
“How did you know?” He asked, setting it on the table.
“Lucky guess, I thought you would...”. I looked down at the already opened envelope addressed to Owen Fletcher; but this letter was not from the same collage as mine. This letter was sent from the Mcnally Smith college of music. Owen had been accepted to the college, but if he went, he would not be with me, he would be thousands of miles away from me. As I opened the perfectly folded paper and read the fine print, my now watery eyes gave way.
“Are you going to go here?” I asked, afraid of the coming up answer.
“Yes” he said slowly
“Why? I don't see whats so special about this collage, it offers all the same classes!” I cried
“No they don't, in Cornish I can only choose between classical and Jazz performances, in Mcnally I can sing what I want.”
“Why didn't you tell me that?”
“I wanted you to get into Cornish Klair, that's the perfect school for you.”
“It's not if you aren't with me”
“We would be in complete separate parts of the campus anyway.” He said, now getting frustrated
“It would have been enough for me to know that at least you were in the same place as me, not half way across the U.S.!” I screamed
“If something ever happened to you Klair you know I'd be on a plane as soon as I could, I would still be there for you, It's not forever!” He screamed back
I couldn't believe it, I couldn't understand why he hadn't told me, why he supported us being so far apart. I was mad, for the first time I was mad at Owen Fletcher. I crumpled the letter into a ball and threw it across the kitchen. I ran upstairs and threw all my clothes into my bag, half zipping it, slipped on my shoes, and slammed his front as hard as I could. I did all this as Owen stood there and watched me, following me up and down the stairs, and keeping his distance. As I slammed his door, I saw from the corner of my eye, a single tear trickle down his soft checks, and his lips move to mouth the name 'Klair'.
“It's hard for me too, but we will get through it, just tell me what happened.” he asked again
“I walked home and called Kendra, I told her I wanted to come to her party but I needed a ride. I wasn't going to drink, I just thought maybe with all the people there I could get my mind off you. Kevin Hwit picked me” His name swirled in my mouth like an extreme sour candy that you can't spit out fast enough. “When we got there he gave me a glass of sprite after I explained to him I didn't drink. I remember him constantly offering me more drinks, after I finished each one.” I stopped there, I didn't want to tell him the rest, not yet.
“ What time did you get a Kendra's?”
“Around 7ish I think”
“Why were you on the side of the road?”
“Why were you on the highway at sunrise?”
He sighed, egar to know the rest of the story. “I was going to pick up my guitar I left at Chad's the other day, he was leaving out of town to visit his Aunt around noon, so I went early to pick it up.” Chad Bearings was Owens best friend since second grade when Owen first moved to Nebraska. He was into music too, but planned to move on in computer graphics. I met him only a few times, but new him well enough that he had a much better relationship with his aunt then his own mom.
“Something else happened.” I decided to tell him
“What?”
“I woke up, I must have fallen asleep or something, and Kevin...he was there. When I woke up everything was a blur, and he was touching me, my clothes were all over Kendra's room, Owen I don't know what happened!” I started crying again, surprised I had any tears left. Owen gathered me into his arms, and held me tight, as if something was pulling me away from him.
“Oh my God” he said
“What happened?” I whispered, because that was all I could manage.
“What did the drinks taste like?”
“They just tasted like sprite to me, maybe a little tart, but nothing drastic.” I said, starting to catch on.
“Kevin must have spiked your drink, he got you so drunk that you completely blacked out. Since you were mad at me, when he lead you on you followed, wanting him to make me jealous. He used you and Kendra, he just wanted you both for sex. When the drinks wore off you started to come back, but you obviously still had to have a hangover. So you walked until you couldn't anymore, and that's when you stopped...where I found you.”
Owen had told me something that I had already knew. Something I pushed so far into the back of my twisted mind, because I didn't want it to be true. I couldn't think about it until he had said it, and reality had become the truth.
“That son of a bitch.” he said under his breath
“Owen?” I whimpered, I was scared now, I needed his reassurance.
“It's OK Klair, what matters is that you're with me now.” he said while petting my hair.
More butterflies floated into my brain, and I remembered when I was in the arms of the man I loved, and then placed softly into his car, 'I'm safe now'.
“Stay with me?” I asked
“For now.” he answered, referring to when we would have to leave for collage and go our separate ways. He kissed me softly, like a delicate rose whose petals would fall at a single touch. I leaned in close to him, wanting the something I wanted before, but this time for real. It was there in that slightly messy room, in that soft bed, next to my almost perfect Owen, that I fell asleep. Just to wake up to another day, closer to that one day without Owen close in my life every single day.
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Chapter 4- The Pink Slippers
I was born in Alma Nebraska, at Alma Memorial hospital, on June 17th, 1992. My mothers name was Rosaline Leslie, she had me at age 24 with my father William Leslie, who was 24 also. My parents met at a county fair, my mother from Alma, my father from Bishop California who had moved to Alma 3 weeks earlier. They were both 20 at the time. My mom was a dancer and my dad was an artist. Unfortunately I hadn't inherited my fathers special talent, but I could dance with just as much grace as my mother at age 7. She taught me everything there was to know about ballet, but I quit dancing after my eighth Birthday, because at the time it just wasn't my thing. Often I would sit and watch my father paint; watch as he explained to me how to mix colors, as he told me how each stroke of the brush had it's own important place in the painting. My favorite painting of his was the one he had hung up in my room on my 5th Birthday; to surprise me when I woke up. It was a huge blown up picture of my face, I had a huge smile that made my eyes squint up, and I was laughing; like the way you laugh when you get your first puppy, and it licks you in the face. Now, that picture along with 3 others,are the only remaining pictures of the ones he just could not sell. Our attic used to be filled with them, hundreds of paintings, but after my mother died my dad couldn't take it. Most of those pictures had been of my mother, the one thing he just couldn't help but paint. She was his famous model, that beautiful women in all his masterpieces that layed in the attic, because my mother was too embarrassed to have them hung in the house. He smashed them all the night of her death, all but 3; the one of me that was hanging in my room, the one of the fair at which he had met my mother which was hanging in the living room, and one of my mother posing without any clothes on that was hidden in the attic. He had painted it the night of which I came into my parents life. When she died, he held it crying, suddenly remembering me and wondering how he was going to raise me the right way without her. I cried too, I cried because I no longer had a mother physically here on Earth with me, and I cried for my father who had destroyed all his lovely paintings that he could never bring back to life, just as he couldn't bring my mother back from the dead.
My mother died when I was eight from a severe case of Septicemia. At first during the Winter of 1999 my mother had a high fever and was suffering from what we thought was a bad cold. She had the chills, would go from shivering to sweating in just two minutes, and had aces and pains throughout her whole body. After a week she began to feel better, I had thought it was because for those seven days I had made sure that she had chicken noodle soup for dinner each night. Then, just 3 days later after my mother seemed normal again, I woke up the sound of her vomiting in the bathroom next to my room. I remembered it was the most horrible sound I had ever heard, and it still is to this day. My father had taken her to the hospital at 2:00 am. that Friday, leaving me at home, and calling me off school. My father had called the house every hour to check up on me and let me know how my mother was doing.
3:00AM: “Mommy's here, she's really sick, but the nice doctors are going to do a few tests and everything will be OK”
4:00AM: “They just took some of mommy's blood, and gave her medicine.”
“5:00 AM: “The nice doctors said that mommy has a really bad flu, but she's gonna be OK. We should be home before lunch.”
They arrived home around 4:00 PM, way past lunch time, after my dad picked up a prescription to help the common flu. After taking the entire bottle of pills, and her vomiting went down, my mom began spending all the time she could with me. I think this was because she knew in the back of her mind, something was not right, she was going to die. Although she was never as healthy as she used to be. there were days that she was better then others, and one of those better days, was not the day before my eighth Birthday. At first she was fine; we were dancing, I was wearing what I called toe gloves, because I didn't have any real ballet slippers like my mothers. I envied her beautiful pink slippers, I wanted them. I loved the way they laced around her ankle, and how they made her feet look so graceful and lovely. She did a jete, which is basically an elegant jump, but instead of landing on her beautiful pink slippers she collapsed, landing on her knees. Her face has flushed, she screamed holding her abdomen with one hand, and her heart with the other. I yelled for my father, who was already running down the stairs, he rushed to my mother.
“What's wrong Rosaline?” he asked in a hurried voice, and before she could answer, he picked her up and ran to the car.
“Wait, Kliar” she yelled in a painful voice.
“We'll be back in a little bit honey, the nice doctors have to see mommy again.” He yelled back to me and shut the door behind them. I listened as the car engine started and I watched as my father sped down the road to the hospital. I cried for hours, and as those hours went by, there were no phone calls from the father, none from the nice doctors, and definitely none from my mother. It wasn't until 6 hours later at 10:00pm, that my father called and told me that the doctors wanted my mother to spend the night and he would be coming home shortly without her. I noticed that after he hung up the phone, that the doctors were no longer called 'nice' from my father, and they never were again.
When he arrived home I sat on the couch, that of which I had not moved from since they left that morning. I listened as the door squeaked open, to my dad snuffling nose, to the keys drop on the counter, to his shoes plunk on the ground, to his footsteps walk in and stop at the entry way of our living room. He looked at me with blood shot eyes, eyes that I knew looked just like mine.
“My baby girl” he said with a skipping voice and held out his arms walking over to the couch.
“Daddy” I whispered as he sat down and hugged me. I cried into his chest as he cried into my hair, and we both fell asleep to wake up to a phone call at 6:00AM the morning of my Birthday, that my mother had died from a wrong diagnoses of a serve case of Septicemia at 5:52 AM, and that she had written a note for William and Klair Leslie if we wanted to stop by and pick it up. It wasn't until the day of her funeral, a whole week later, that my dad brought back the note, he handed it to me along with a wrapped box labeled, To: Klair, From: Mommy, Happy Birthday sweet girl. I opened the note...
To my beloved William and Klair,
I am sorry I must leave you both alone so quickly and in this manner. I wish you both a happy life without me, that you will accept my death and move on, always remembering me. I will watch over and guide you through your troubled times, I will still always be there. William; I loved you the first time I saw you, and I always will love you. Of course we were never the love bird type, but with all our work we always found time for each other. Just look at the beautiful creation God has blessed us with. Take care of Klair as you have taken care of me. My sweet, sweet Klair; go on in school, grow up big and strong, I'm sorry I won't be there in person to watch you grow up, watch you fall in love, support you when your heart gets broken. I will still be there though, always, don't be afraid to talk to me. You are beautiful my dear child, don't let anyone get in the way of your dreams. I'm sorry I missed your party, I hope you enjoy your present. With these last words I must say goodbye, it's my time.
Love, Rosaline: proud wife of William Leslie, proud mother of Klair Leslie
I memorized all these words and kept them in my heart, I will always remember them. After reading the letter and thinking to myself that I never did have a party, I opened the box, and pulled out a brand new pair of beautiful pink ballet slippers, those of which, still hang on the wall of my room at my fathers house.
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Chapter 5- Loves' Crazy Ways
I was in 7th grade when I first said I actually 'loved' someone. His name was Jason Decan. He liked me too, and we always passed notes and talked, but nothing ever happened between us. I always felt like I needed someone to love me, that without a boyfriend I couldn't be happy with my life, so I was always looking for someone to love. In 8th grade I 'feel in love' again, his name was Mason Carter. Kendra actually 'liked' his friend, Ashton Gage, that made us much closer friends than before. Me and Mason talked online more then in person. We would meet up at the mall occasionally with our friends. When I got there he would give me a hug, and then go smoke weed with his friends. One day Kendra told me she was over Ashton, and she was starting to like Mason. I wasn't mad at her because I always thought “well how could you not like him”, but then when he started talking to her more then me, things changed. I stopped talking to Kendra as much as I used to, and we weren't close friends anymore. I started hanging around my friend Sophie Dean, we're still friends today but I haven't heard from her in a while. Sophie liked a guy named Mitchell Davis, they're still friends, but she doesn't see him like that anymore. I still 'loved' Mason, I was always trying to get him to like me, and I would do anything and everything until he did. I went out with his his “ugly slug friend” to get closer to him, I pretended to like this kid (of which I have forgotten the name of) so I could get to Mason. I even faked it with my friends so no one would find out. It felt wrong, but it was the only thing I could think of, him being such an easy target and all. This kid had a girlfriend that he 'loved', so he broke up with me after 3 days, and I found out it wasn't worth it in the first place. Later he found out she was gay and had lied about her age and was going to college soon. Mason had a girlfriend too, Lexie, who was a complete slut, but he really 'loved' her. He broke up with her once, and I thought it was my chance, so we started talking again, and so did him and Kendra. Then one day I found out from one of his pot head friends that they were back together again, for good this time. I called Kendra and told her, I thought she should know, I layed in my bed and cried myself to sleep, and screamed over a pain that really wasn't there. After that I didn't care anymore, I was over Mason, but Kendra still wasn't. I threw out every memory I had of him, diaries, drawings, cut-out-hearts, etc. I wanted to forget him, to erase everything about him from my mind. When I switched over to the high-school I would still see him from time to time; it wasn't until a year after, that I over heard him saying “I'm over Lexie, I'm tired of fighting with her, and I'm not going to let her screw up my life anymore.”
Me and Kendra became friends again, just like it was before. Life became a little better, day after day. Kendra had written the name Mason on her door with a heart around it, it was 4 months after I stopped 'liking' Mason that for the first time it really stood out to me, when I spent the night at her house. I decided it was time to confront Kendra and let her know he wasn't worth anything, it was time to move on. I few days after our talk, I went to spend the night at Kendra's house again. His name was scratched out from the heart, and I smiled at the fact that we were finally on the same page in life, and that felt good. In the end I figured out that I didn't love Mason or Jason, Kendra found that she didn't love Ashton or Mason, Sophie didn't love Mitchell, Mason didn't love Lexie, and ugly slug found out he didn't love gay collage girl. You can live without a boyfriend (or girlfriend), it's not like you had one when you were first born. Love is not something you look for, love is something you have to let find you. Think of it as an invisible person in an empty world, you can't see them, so it does you no good to look for them, but they can see you, and if you're always moving around looking for them, it makes it harder for them to find you. So just stay put, and let love come to you, because it's usually when you finally realize that you can live alone, that you finally find real love. That's exactly what I told Kendra, and it's true, I can prove it.
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Chapter 6- Blame it all on Ice Cream
I've had a few guys ask me out, and a few ask me to dance, and a few gave me their numbers, but I never said yes and I never called. Just because a guy likes you doesn't mean your meant to like them too, you'll know when he's the right one, and sometimes it takes awhile to figure it out.
When I was five my parents took me to the park and gave me a few dollars to buy an ice cream cone while they walked along the river near by. When I got my cone, I went to walk back when a sea gull swooped down right above my head. I screamed and jumped while my ice cream fell out into the sand. I started crying, and then a little boy came up to me with his ice cream, and handed it to me.
“You can has mine” he said
“Thanks” I answered, no longer crying, or mad at the stupid bird.
“I saw that evil birdy, he was not nice to you, maybe you smell bad to him”
“What! I don't smell, mommy says only boys smell”
He sniffed me, “no you don't smell”
“You don't either” I said sniffing him back, “are you a girl?”
“No!...I don't thinks so”
“I like you, what's your name”
“Owhein”
“I'm Klair”
“Hi Kair”
“We can share this if you want?” I asked offering him his ice cream
“Okay!”
We walked along the river not to far from my parents. I would lick the ice cream, then he would lick, not very sanitary but we didn't know. Before long his mother called from the picnic tables, and he ran off, turning back to me.
“Bye Kair” he said
“Bye” I yelled, running to catch up with my parents.
It was in the middle of freshmen year when I was walking home with Kendra and Sophie, that the track team went for there evening run. I was walking a little ways in front of them, listening to my iPod, when the team jogged by. I looked up to meet the eyes of one of them with purple shorts smiling at me, and as I looked down to turn up the volume of my favorite song, 'Daylight' by Matt and Kim, I found myself smiling back.
In my sophomore year of high-school this guy was in my math class and asked me for a pencil. When I went to go give him one our fingers touched, we both jumped straight out of our chairs from the most painful shock I've ever felt.
“I'm sorry, I must of rubbed something metal” He apologized to me
“It's OK, it might have been my fault” I whispered back
“Is there a problem Mr. Fletcher?” Mrs. Brown asked him
“No mam” He answered quickly
“Then pay attention and stop bothering miss Leslie”
It was times like these where it pays off to be a teachers pet.
It wasn't until my Junior year that I finally got the message. I was at McDonalds getting myself an after school snack. Since it was 'that time of month' for me I ordered an Oreo mcflurry, but of course they were having problems with the machine. They said it would be about 8 minutes and that I could have a seat and they will bring it out to me. I sat down and got out the book I was I reading for my class project, The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, I was at the part where Susie meets Ray. She was at her locker when this beautiful boy appeared, she was nervous and became reckless, I smiled because I knew I would be the same way, “you are beautiful Susie Salmon” Ray said. I jumped when I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around to see someone, not a employee, holding my mcflurry along with his order.
“Hi, uh...I believe this is yours” He said holding out the ice cream
I paused for a minute before answering him, I thought I knew him from somewhere. “yeah, thanks” I grabbed the mcflurry, “Do I know you from somewhere?”
“Yeah, I think we go to the same school, Alma high?”
“That's it”
“I'm Owen Fletcher” he reached out with his open hand
“Klair Leslie” I replied shacking his hand “Fletcher sounds familiar”
“You were in my math class sophmore year”
“I thought I knew you”
“Is this seat taken” Owen asked, pointing to the chair across from me.
“no” I answered as he sat down, unwrapping his meal.
When I stuck a spoon full of ice cream into my mouth, I had a flashback, I was at a park, and I dropped my ice cream cone. I set down my mcflurry, and looked up at Owen, trying to figure out what seemed like a riddle in my mind.
“Are you OK?” he asked
“I know you from somewhere else”
We sat there and stared at each other, I figured it out before him, but I waited till he remembered first.
“Your the girl that sea gulls don't like.” he finally answered
“Yeah apparently” I laughed “Your English has gotten better I see”
“Yeah, I had a hard time with that, still do sometimes.” He laughed
He unwrapped a Big Mac with a large fry. I immediately made a disgusted look, and he saw that.
“There's a bug in my food isn't there?” He asked looking straight at me
“no” I laughed “It's just I'm a vegetarian, and meat really grosses me out now that I've been one for so long.”
“Oh, sorry” He wrapped up the cow, and went to throw it away
“You didn't have to do that” I said when he got back
“Nuh, we're friends now right?, and friends make sacrifices for their friends to be happy, so if not eating meat will make you happy, then I won't eat meat.”
“Sure...It will make you crazy the first few weeks”
“Yeah, I can believe that!”
“You just have to think about the pain the animals go through, and it will get better”
“I don't know how you people do it, but I guess I'll find out”
“Keep your promise, and Ill have to see you again, to make sure you didn't lose your mind because of me. We don't need anymore nuts in this world, and I wouldn't want to be responsible for one.”
We ate and talked until it got dark, then we exchanged numbers, and drove our separate ways home. When I got in the car “Daylight” by Matt and Kim was playing on the radio. I knew something then, I had solved the riddle, Owen Fletcher had to be 'the one'.
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Chapter 7-A Date, a Dream, and Everything in Between
Me and Owen made plans to have an official date that Saturday night at 8:00. Kendra and Sophie were tagging along with me to the mall to pick out a new dress. We meet at my favorite store, Forever21, and it wasn't long until I found my perfect dress. It was sweet and simple with floral eyelets, but it was white, so I would buy new shoes and a necklace to add more color if I bought it. I tried on three other dresses along with the white one, just to make sure it was the one I wanted.
“I really like this one!” I said as a slipped on a light pink ruffly dress
“Come out let me see it” Sophie said
I stepped out and their faces lit up as usual, because I could pull off just about every dress in the store.
“It fits really good around the waist, makes your boobs look bigger”
“I think it's a little to much for a first date though” Kendra said laughing
“Yeah that's what I was thinking” I said looking sadly into the mirror petting the ruffles, I loved the dress but It was a little to much. I tried on the long sleeved, tired skirt black dress with a bow in the back.
“This one looks good, its not as much as the last one either” I said opening the curtain
“I like it” Kendra said, nodding her head as I spun around indicating the big bow.
“You would get to hot in it though, being nervous and stuff, you don't want to seem to sweaty” Sophie said.
“I'll try on the white one”. I slipped on the dress that I had first thought would be perfect, and sure enough, it was. Although nothing is ever 'perfect', there are things that come very close.
“It's perfect” I said, walking out.
“That's it” Kendra said immediately.
I changed my clothes and went to look for other things to go with my new 'first date dress'. I knew I had brought Kendra and Sophie with me for a reason, they were my best friends and always new what was best for me, they aren't like those friends that say something looks good on you even when it doesn't, just to make them look better. They were people I could trust, and people I would always love, plus we were all dress obsessed, but what girl isn't? They just make you feel so beautiful. I found a necklace and shoes, so we checked out and left. I went home to get dressed and do my hair and makeup. I decided I would curl my hair slightly, and wear just a light amount of makeup, just enough to make my eyes stand out.
I heard a knock at the door. My dad was gone at a craft store, so I was thankful he couldn't pester Owen since I was finishing my 'business' in the bathroom. “Of course he decides to show up now” I thought to myself hurrying to run down the stairs. Alba our recently new husky was howling at the doorbell. I swung open the door, suddenly doubting my looks as I looked into his eyes.
“Hey, sorry I'm a little late, I got stopped by just about every stoplight, I rung the doorbell cause I wasn't sure if you heard me knock...” He went on. I read in a magazine once that if a guy seems nervous, or keeps rambling on, you should say something simple to calm him down. I stopped listening, because I was trying to remember what one of those sayings was.
“You smell good” I said, remembering one, and thinking it was the perfect line, because of the incident when we first met.
“Thanks, you look amazing” He laughed
Alba was now in the middle of us, trying to figure out who this new comer was in her home.
“I didn't know you had a dog” He said reaching down to pet her
“Yeah, we just got her a couple days ago”
“Shes still a puppy.”
“9months”
“Husky?”
“Yep, they're my favorite dogs, my dad picked her up for free somewhere out of town, he saw an ad in the paper”
“They're my favorite dogs too, do you know if there were any more?”
“No. My dad said she was the last one, the house they were in was a dump though.”
“That's a shame, at least they're all out of there, should we get going?” He said getting up
“Yeah let me grab my purse”
I ran upstairs, grabbing my purse and remembering to grab my movie theater gift card in case Owen didn't pay. We were going to see this new movie called Love Happens, it's supposed to be really good, so I suggested it.
“I hope you don't mind The Kinks” Owen said while we got in the car
“Are you kidding? I love The Kinks!”
“Really?”
“Yeah, they're one of my favorite bands.”
He puts in the CD and skipped a few songs to 'You Really Got Me'.
“Girl, you really got me going, you got me so I don't know what I'm doing...” We both sang the whole song together, even the instrumentals, It had to be the most fun I've had in a long time. With my whole life focused so much on school, I could finally be myself that night. We laughed so hard on the way there, by the time we got to the theater I had to pee so bad I couldn't wait in line, so Owen bought our tickets while I ran to the restroom. While in there I was reapplying my makeup, when an older lady came out of the stall.
“First date huh?” she asked washing her hands
“Yeah, how'd you know?”
“Well, it's only written all over your face honey”
I looked at myself in the mirror, and tried to relax my face.
“It's not a bad thing” she told me “here's an old fashion trick, let me see that lipstick there in your bag”
I handed her my red lipstick, and she dotted a little on my checks, then rubbed it in like she was drawing little circles inside of big ones, then stretching them out to the corners of my eyes
“There you are” she said smiling
I looked in the mirror and my cheeks were a perfect contrast of red and pink.
“It lightens your face, and brings out your good features. I would use that trick in high school, works like a charm.” She said rewashing her hands to get the red off
“What exactly does it do?” I asked
“Why, it make the boy realize how beautiful you really are, because it makes you think higher of yourself.” She stood their smiling at me.
Some people would think that it would be really weird if an old lady came out from a bathroom stall and started putting on their makeup, but there was nothing strange about this women. You could tell she was old by the way she talked, and how she dressed, and her outdated skin, but her presence didn't feel old. She was beautiful, she was kind, and helped me with one of the most important days of my growing life. It's a shame now a days that when people are nice, it always seems creepy. The strange thing is, I had never met my grandmother, I always imagined her in my dreams as a beautiful old women who was always there when my mother couldn't be. My grandmother was still alive when she died, and I always wanted to meet her, but my father couldn't find any contact information for her, he said it was probably meant to be, that God wanted to save a special day for me to meet her.
“Have fun dear, and don't do anything I wouldn't” where her final words to me walking out the door.
Even if this lady wasn't my grandmother, I like to believe it was, and I will never forget her, or her special trick.
“Hey sorry it took so long, there was a long line” I said to Owen walking out
“No problem, we better hurry to get seats.”
Towards the middle of the movie Owen reached over to grab my hand, and he didn't let go till the end. He drove me home and we talked about the movie, I was glad we chose that one because it wasn't too romantic, but a good date movie. Owen walked me to the door, and kissed my hand, then drove off into the night as I watched him from my bedroom window. That night I dreamed of my mom:
I was making breakfast when she walked down the stairs in her robe and slippers.
“Do you want some pancakes?” I asked
She just stood in the kitchen doorway and smiled at me
“What?”
“You found a keeper Klair, I knew that little boy at the beach had something special”
“How did you know?”
“A mother knows baby, I'm so glad to have met my new son-in-law”
“Mom were not getting married!”
She just laughed and pored a glass of orange juice, drinking it slowly, mostly just watching me continue cooking.
“What makes you think he's so special for me?” I asked her turning off the stove
“He looks at you like your a valuable gem, either he can keep you for the sentimental value, or sell you to become rich.”
“What do you think he would do”
“Most guys would sell, but Owens not like most guys” she told me finishing her orange juice and walking to the doorway, “I don't know, I could be wrong” She stood there smiling again.
“Would you stop smiling at me, it's a little creepy”
She laughed, “I love you, Klair” She said walking away
“Wait don't you want some pancakes?” I asked grabbing a plate from the pantry, but when I turned around, she was gone.
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Chapter 8-A Night to Remember
After weeks of dreading the day that me and Owen would separate, the day came all too fast. It was Sunday August 22nd the day before. Me and Owen never said a word to each other during the day. I knew if I opened my mouth tears would roll down my face, and I didn't want him to remember me crying on our last full day together. I kept a smile on my face and so did he, even if it was fake. As day turned to night, I walked out on the patio with a blanket wrapped around me to watch the sunset. I stood there and watched as all the colors; pink, orange, yellow, purple, all collided in the air to form a kaleidoscope barrier around the drifting sun. I heard the sliding glass door open behind me, and went to lay in the meadow behind Owens house, past the mini forest. Really it's just a clearing behind a few trees, but I like to fantasize my world, it makes it a happier place to live in and an easier place to share. I spread out the blanket and layed down toward the western sky as Owen layed down beside me and held my hand in his. I couldn't hold it back any longer, tears fell down my face forming tiny streams that collected into ponds near the corners of my lips. Owen pulled me closer to him, and I watched the streams trickle down his pale perfect face. He leaned in and kissed me. As the ponds exploded and salt trickled into my mouth, I couldn't help but to think that I wouldn't feel this again for two years.
Owen pushed my body softly into the ground with the weight of his body. He was very careful, I know he was afraid to do this too, but I loved him, and he loved me. The moment was so perfect, so right, how could it be wrong at a time like this? My clothes slipped off with the cotton touch of his hands, my whole body a live wire, this time the feeling was real, safe, beautiful. The sun went behind the sphere of life, the moon smiled as it rose above, stars danced across the black sky, and fireflies made the ground glow with delight.
I feel asleep in Owens arms, in the comfort of his warm bed, and woke up alone to the sound of his doorbell and a car door slamming. It was Owens parents, Marisa and Joshua Fletcher, coming back from their vacation home in Montana. They left the house for Owen to stay because he didn't want to leave me here all summer. I didn't go with them because my father wasn't feeling well, but lately the doctor said he could get along on his own if he came back regularly for a checkup. I sat in the bed for awhile, remembering what today is, and also what happened last night. I got out of bed and wobbled in place, I felt like I just had whiplash. I searched through Owens dresser; I knew there was something of mine in it, I didn't want to go down there to his parents looking like a bum. I fond an old skirt of mine and slipped it on along with a pink shirt of Owens, I read the tag, 'Roxy'? I ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, my hair was a mess and I decided I was going to stop eating so many pancakes because they're starting to hit me in the wrong places. I searched under the sink for my emergency makeup bag, I threw on some foundation and mascara and walked down the stairs.
“Well there is the sleepy beauty,” Marisa said, kissing me on the check.
“Good morning sweetheart,” Joshua kissed my hand.
“Hi, how was your vacation?”
“Wonderful, besides the fact that our basement flooded during a weeks worth of rain, and the handyman didn't come to fix it till 6 days later, but me and Joshua found a way to fix it,” Marisa said winking at her husband.
“How did you fix it yourselves?”
“We turned it into a skinny dipping pool,” Joshua laughed
“They're telling the truth,” Owen said as he handed me a cup of strawberry tea, my favorite.
I always loved Owens parents, they are 50 some years old and still act 21. When I grow old I want to be just like them, never stop living and always having fun. They accepted me for who I am the first day I met them, and Marisa instantly became the mother figure in my life. My dad saw that, so he never denied me going over to Owens and I could stay as long as I wished.
The day rolled by way to fast and suddenly it was 3:00PM, my flight leaves at 7 for Washington, and Owens leaves at 9 for Minnesota. He threw his bags which he already packed in the trunk, and drove me to my dads house so I could pack my stuff and say goodbye to my father, who I was very worried about leaving alone for two years. I don't have a car because nowadays my fathers paintings only sell for a what the minimum wage was in the 18th century, I basically live off Owen and his family. My father used to give them gas/food money to thank them for their hospitality, but when they found out how much we were paying for hospital bills they returned all the money and wouldn't accept anymore. I knew it would hurt my dad if I told him, so I pretended to give them the money and would return it to the 'emergency money' box under his bed; that of which he never counts.
“My baby girl” he said, getting up from his easel which held up a picture of the sunset; instantly reminding me of last nights hoopla, and I suddenly became afraid he would notice that I had sex.
“Hi daddy”
“How are you young man?” He asked, firmly shaking Owens hand.
“Very good, thank you; I see your paintings have been coming along well.”
“Yeah, well...I just can't seem to get it right anymore” he said, sitting down on the stool and dipping the brush in pink.
“It looks magnificent daddy, you're just trying to hard,” I reassured him as I kissed him on the cheek and went upstairs to my room. It was exactly the way I left it, and I didn't expect anything different. I stuffed practically everything into two large suit cases and Owen helped me carry them down the stairs.
“Wait” I gasped, remembering something very important. I ran back into my room and grabbed the perfect pink ballet slippers dangling off a hook in my wall. As I turned to leave my room, something shiny caught my eye, I looked down and found the necklace I used to wear everyday when I was little, it was a golden heart with my birthstone in the middle, and my dad bought it for me on my first Birthday. I wasn't allowed to wear it till I was 4, and I took it off when me and my dad got in a huge fight one night when I was 13; I snuck out of the house with Kendra and we went to Sophie's party after we were both told we couldn't go.
I stuck it in my pocket and shoved the slippers in my bag. As streams poured down my fathers face, and mine as well, we said goodbye and I gave him the necklace to keep till I got back. We pulled out of the driveway and drove down the road to the airport, where I would give my hardest goodbye of all. Owen would watch me leave, and wait another 2 hours in agony for his plane, because he insisted to be there when I left.
“5 minutes till the plane leaves for Seattle Washington, 5 minutes” The announcer spoke the words of my nightmares.
“Last night was wonderful Klair, lets always remember that night.” Owen whispered to me as he held me tight.
“Forever” I said as I kissed him, and boarded my plane to hell.
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Chapter 9-At the Bottom of Everything
I walked down the hallway to get on the plane. It seemed as if I was walking forever, walking into a black hole, the ponds at the corners of my lips began to grow larger. I found a window seat alone, and slowly slunked down into the two-many-people-have-sat-in-this-and-now-there-is-absoultley-no-support chair. I felt like everyone was watching me, but when I looked out in the aisle everyone was doing there own thing. A girl around my age sat in the window seat next to me listening to her iPod, I guess she felt me looking at her so she turned to me and smiled. An old woman rested her head on an old mans shoulder watching the feature movie about some guy dancing like he's gay. A middle age man was crying, holding a picture of a beautiful little girl, probably hes daughter. The plane took off, and suddenly I felt really sick. I decided that the girl next me had the right idea, so I got my iPod, Harmony by Never Shout Never, I fall asleep listening to this song. I woke up with an extreme urge to pee, so I went to the restrooms and checked the time on my phone, 9:05 PM, Owen should be boarding his plane now. I want to get off this plane, I want to get off now, I want to go home, I want to be with Owen. I'm so stressed and confused that streams form on my checks, again. “I'm so sick and tired of crying” I think to myself. I sit on the toilet with my head between my knees and closed my eyes, “breathe in, breath out, in, out, in, out.” I open my eyes, and stare at a puddle of blood, I get up and look in the mirror, a nose bleed. “Why do I have such bad luck on airplanes?” I think back to all the past times I flew on an airplane while I stuff my nose with cheep toilet paper.
I was 6, it was my first time flying, we were going to Disney Land and I puked all over this lady on my way to the restroom with my mom. I was 8, my dad had an interview with someone to design a logo for some magazine, and he couldn't find a babysitter; I passed out when the plane flew through a thunderstorm. The last time I flew a plane was when I was 15, I was flying solo to go to a collage prep camp in South Dakota; they lost my luggage, and I was 3 hours late to the camp.
I sat back down in my seat, toilet paper still stuffed up my nose, now all eyes were on me. I turned to the window and I heard a thump next me.
“That nose bleed is probably from being so stressed out, it's just a plane, relax a little.”
I turned around and the girl with the iPod was seating in the seat beside me. “I've never had a nose bleed before,” I said, not sure how to reply.
“Hmm, well the air is kinda dry up here, I'm Dianne Clemens,” she stretched out her hand.
“Klair Leslie” I said, shaking it.
“Ever hear of Bright Eyes?”
“Um, what?”
“Bright Eyes, he's a singer” she laughed
“Oh, uh...no, sorry”
“There's nothing to be sorry for! Here, listen,” she handed me an ear bud while she put the other one in her ear. The song was about an airplane crash and people dying, but it was happy somehow.
“Isn't this amazing?” She asked
“Who is this again?”
“Bright Eyes.”
I wrote the name down in the notepad on my phone so I wouldn't forget. He's voice reminded me so much of Owens, I had to listen to more.
“Do you have anymore songs by him?”
“Like 100,” she laughed and played another song. I must have fallen asleep again because I woke up to some man behind me snoring like a grizzly bear in deep hibernation. Dianne was gone, but her iPod was still in the chair. I looked out the window at the passing clouds and the miniaturized world below. I closed my eyes and pretended to be a bird. “Dear God, make me a bird, so I could fly far, far, far away from here.” I nearly jumped straight out of my chair when I heard a loud thump next to me.
“Whoa! Someone's a little jumpy” Dianne laughed
“Where did you go?” I asked calming down.
“To get another pack of peanuts.” She said waving a little blue bag in my face.
“Excuse me,” I said as I ran to the restroom because I suddenly had to pee extremely bad. All stalls were in use, shit, I bang on the door.
“What!” someone yells.
“Will you hurry up, I have to pee,” I scream. All eyes were on me again, but I didn't care, I was angry at these people for deciding they had to go to the bathroom at the same time I did. I hear a flush, the stall behind me opens.
“Thank you!” I run in and pee for 2 minutes straight, relieved, I feel bad for screaming at that poor person.
I sit back down; Dianne was laughing at me. “People pee a lot when they're nervous.”
“Are you a doctor?” I ask her, angry again.
“No, but my dad is.”
“Look, no bad feelings, I guess I am kinda nervous” I say, taking more deep breaths.
“You're fine, after all we have been on this plane for over 2 hours now.”
“Where are you going?”
“Seattle Washington, I'm visiting my Aunt, how about you?”
“Same, except I'm going to Cornish.”
“Ah, I'm not cut out for that crap, an artist doesn't need collage, it would make things easier and I'd be more experienced, but it's not for me.”
“My dad is an artist. I'm just a photographer.”
“Everyone can draw, it's something you learn to do, just like singing”
“Do you have anymore Bright Eyes songs?”
“You Listened to them all, and some more than once, but you were sleeping; here.” she handed me her iPod and I listened to 'Owens voice' until we got to Seattle. With each person you meet, means more people to say goodbye too, I left my new friend and went to call Owen back while I got a cab to take me to Cornish.
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Chapter 10- Cut out the Negative
I walk up to the main building of the campus, and to the front desk.
“Name please,” the lady sitting behind the desk asks
“Klair Leslie”
“What's your major Miss. Leslie?”
“Photography”
“Your room number is 310, you will be rooming with Cassandra Miller, she should be already up there I just checked her in not to long ago.”
“OK, thank you very much.”
“Enjoy your stay” She yells, as I drag my luggage out the door to a bus. I ride the magical tour bus around in circles until I get to a sign labeled PHOTOGARPHY: Music and arts, I get out and find myself floating to the entrance. As soon as I open the large brass door the sound of music floods all around me and fills my ears with tingly joy. I walk down the hall and take in the wonders of this place; piano lessons in one room, stage practice, painting, dancing, designing, and technical things that I don't understand. Room 310, I knock, the door opens.
“You must be Klair.” A short, petite girl said to me.
“Yeah, I'm guessing your Cassandra.”
“You can call me me Cassie,” She smiled and opened the door wider so I could squeeze my things in. Cassie talked a lot, she told me everything there was to know about her while I was unpacking. She told me how she grew up in a small town in Arizona, and how her mom left her when she was little and her dad still hasn't found the right person for him yet. Cassie said she still gets sugar rush like little kids so if she comes in the room all hyper she's not drunk. She said a lot of other things too, but after a while my mind couldn't hold anymore words, all I could think about was Owen. Cassie was really pretty, she had long dark hair and a perfect tan which I believe she said comes naturally. I personally hate being tan, pale is my color. After a few hours I was completely settled in, or at least as much as I was going to be.
“I go running early every morning around campus. You can join me if you want, but in case you're still asleep, if you hear something it's just me.” Cassie said, throwing some jogging clothes on the dresser.
“I'm not really a runner...please excuse me, I have to use the restroom.”
“That's fine” she said, nodding her head like I asked her a question. I had to go pee again, that's like the 44th time since I got on the plane; “am I really that nervous?” So far things have gone fine since I hit the ground. I got a cab right away, the lady at the desk didn't give me any trouble, I have a great room mate who talks too much but I can see us getting along well. I go through all the good things and cut out the negative as I flush and wash up. I look in the mirror, and deiced that I will get up early to run with Cassie, I need it more than she does.
I have a dream...Owen is far away, but I can still see him. I run and run but everything is in slow motion, no matter how hard I try I can't reach him. I run so fast my stomach cramps, and then everything becomes splattered in red, the pain hurts so bad I scream. I'm awake, screaming, the light is on, and Cassie is standing above me with a concerned look.
“Are you OK?” she asks sleepily.
“Yeah, I just had a dream I was running and I got really bad cramps so I screamed.” I got up to go to the bathroom when I heard a gasp behind me.
“That's probably why you had cramps, there are extra sheets under the bed, you should just throw those one's out.”
“Wha-...” I looked down to find blood spotted sheets, I touch the back of my shorts and bring my hand up to my eyes, red; that was the red. “Oh my God.”
“You're fine, things like this always happen, you go wash up and ill change the sheets.”
I grabbed a new pair of pajamas from the dresser, and my purse with extra 'just in case' tampons, and went to the restroom. I checked my calendar on my phone and it was the week I should have started on, “How could I forget?” When I came back out, my bed was changed, the dirty sheets were in the laundry pile, and Cassie was back in bed. I woke up early to run with her, after my three more trips to the restroom that night, “maybe I should try yoga, or call Owen every hour instead of every two.” I thought to myself as I started to think that going running was a very bad idea.
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Chapter 11- Glad Klair Isn't Here (Owens point of view)
I got a room at a cheap hotel, because apparently you can't check into the college until morning, and it's 3:55am. My plane stopped for fuel, and was delayed getting back into the air. My room smells, and I don't even want to know what that brown spot in the corner is. I need to take a hot shower to calm myself down, and to get my mind off Klair. I open the shower curtain to see a black rim around the tub, “The maid must have forgot to clean it.” I say out loud to myself.
I turn on the shower and spray it off. After waiting 20 minutes for the water to heat up, I get in and let the water pour over face, attempting to forget everything, but for some reason I can never forget Klair. I feel something on my shoulder, I open my eyes and turn my head, and-
“AHH, OH MY GOD A SPIDER”I scream, slapping it off and falling into the curtain, bringing it down with me as I fall out of the tub. Once I scramble out of the cocoon trying to suffocate me, I lean over the edge of the tub and watch the helpless spider swirl into the drain.
“Ha, that's what you get, stupid spider, I hate spiders, them and their 18,000,000 legs and 7,000 eyes, eh,” I get up and decided that I will take a shower before class tomorrow morning.
After wiping up the flooded bathroom with the one towel I had, I put on my pajamas and turned on the TV. Can't get channel 59, can't get channel 60, can't get 57, no 12, no 46, “what the fuck, they don't even have animal planet! You have got to be kidding me! The only channel I get is 2? The volume doesn't even work right!” One minute Obama was talking so soft I could barely hear him, and then he would scream. I tried to make him shut up with the remote but it was no use.
“Good evening my fellow AMERICANS, I have an IMPORTANT MESSAGE to bring to you FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.” Fuzzzzzzzzzz, I turned off the TV, it was all black and white anyway. I turned off the lamp and tried to get some sleep. Then I heard the TV turn on, turn off, on, off, on, off; I looked at my remote on the night stand. I turned the lamp back on and unplugged the TV. I got back in bed with the light on this time. I just closed my eyes, when I heard a loud slam. I jumped out of bed and the bathroom door that I had left open was shut.
“Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my great goodness, I gotta get out of here, right now” I say, as I grabbed all my stuff and ran out the door, speed walking past the lady at the front desk still up reading a book.
“Can I help you sir”
“No, no you can not, and I would advise you to check your rooms for spiritual possession,” I say pointing my finger at her and noticing that I was still in my boxers. I opened the door and ran to my car, deciding to sleep in there until morning.
“What a nut!” I hear the lady yell from behind.
I woke up to the sun glaring in my face, “What time is it?” I looked at my phone and it was 7:30am, I set my alarm for 9:00; 12 missed calls from Klair. “Why didn't I hear them”, I checked my phones volume, vibrate. I call her back and talk to her about my wonderful night without her until it's time for me to go check in.
“Good morning,” the lady at the information desk calls to me as I come in the door.
“Hi, I'm Owen Fletcher, it's my first day here.”
“Hold on a moment as I find your account...room 219, your room mate is Chris Statford. Go down the hall and to the elevators, up to floor 2, and turn to the left.”
“Alright, thanks,” I did what she told me and arrived at room 219, the door was unlocked and I walked in. Some overweight guy was laying on the bed with leopard panties on listening to his iPod. I stood there in shock, and when he opened his eyes after a full out head banging session he screamed. Another guy ran out of the bathroom completely naked and steam blew into the room.
“What?” the naked guy asked panicking.
The panty guy pointed at me, I was still standing there in now even more shock. “I knew you were cheating on me, how dare you!” he yelled at the naked guy.
“What, I didn't cheat on you, I don't even know who the hell this guy is.”
“Yeah right, I can't believe you,” the panty guy said putting on pants and a shirt and barging out the door, pushing me off to the side. Now is my time, I turn to run.
“You,” the naked said, now with a towel wrapped around him.
“I...um...I,” I run, and he follows. The room number 219 flys by my eyes, I turned around missing the guy trying to punch me by an inch, and jumped into the room locking the door. I fall to the floor exhausted..
“You alright there?” I hear someone ask.
“I'm not sure”
“What happened man?” he asks, helping me up.
“I walked into room 219, but there was this guy and this other gay...I mean guy, and he ran and I ran and another room and now...,” I ran out of breathe.
He burst out laughing, “Didn't the secretary tell you the maintenance worker made a mistake and turned the '6' to room 216 around to a '9'.”
“No, I think she left that part out.”
“No worries man, you'll be fine, we're all guys and we all know what those things look like.”
“Yeah, but I didn't want to see his.”
“Better get used to it if your taking a fitness class, didn't you shower in high school?”
“No, and thank God I didn't sign up for that.”
“I'm Chris,” he said shaking my hand.
“Owen, mind if I use the shower?”
“Nope”
I finally take a real shower, with no spiders, and no creepy black rings. I am so glad Klair isn't here with me, she would've dumped me and fell in love with Chris without a second thought; since he's British and all.
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Chapter12- Black (Back to Klair)
My alarm clock goes off and I run to the bathroom because I feel like I'm going to barf. A few minutes later I walk back out and Cassie is waiting by the door.
“Come on I'm taking you to the doctor.”
“What, no I'm fine, I'm just homesick and I miss my boyfriend. This college thing is really stressing me out that's all.”
“Klair this has been going on for almost a week now and I really think you should get things checked out.” I didn't want to make my room mate mad at me, so I got my purse and went with her while she called us off class for the day.
“This isn't necessary.” I pouted
“Well I'm sure it's not, but your still going because if you have some wacko disease I'm not getting it too.” We arrive at the hospital and I have to fill out a bunch of papers because I'm new, and I have to wait in the waiting room for them to be processed and for a doctor to come back from her lunch break.
“Klair Leslie come with me please,” Me and Cassie follow a nurse into a stairalized room.“How are you feeling Klair?”
“Fine” I lied.
“She has been up every morning for a week now running in the bathroom because she says she has to barf. She has been very moody because her boyfriend went off to a different college. Her blood flow is abnormal. She also has been up multiple times day and night to urinate.” Cassie answered in doctor language for me.
“Yes, I have been queasy in the mornings, and he didn't just go off, we had a very sincere talk about it, and yes my period is abnormal but it's not the first time, and I have been peeing because I am nervous!” I corrected Cassie.
“Have you been vomiting at all Klair?” the doctor asks.
“No, I just feel like it.”
“Are you and your boyfriend still together?”
“Yes”
“Do you still have feelings for each other?”
“Excuse me?”
“After your talk, did you talk about breaking up, or leaving each other?”
“No! We had a little fight but it's over, we talk multiple times each day,” I said as the doctor language started to sink into me.
“You said you were nervous; why?
“Because it's been a long time since I've been away from home and my boyfriend. Not to mention I just started college.”
“Have you noticed a shift in your mood swings?”
“Not anything different then what I would expect from me in this situation.
“Thank you for answering those questions for me, I will be back in a few minutes.”
After me and Cassie waited in the room for 2 hours, the doctor came in and had me put on a paper dress. After that me and Cassie followed her to a tiny room with one chair and a computer in the back.
“I'm sorry miss but I have to have the patient's permission for you to accompany her in this room,” the nurse said to Cassie as she was following me in.
“She's fine,” I gave Cassie permission to come in because I was suddenly afraid that I do have some wacko disease, and I didn't want to be by myself with these so called doctors who I don't even know.
“Have you had nose bleeds and weight gain along with you frequent urinating, mood swings, morning sickness, and no vaginal discharge?” the doctor asked me, while putting some goop on my stomach.
“Yeah, I did have a nose bleed on the plane, and I've been noticing weight gain before I left because I was eating more. I eat more then usual when I'm nervous.”
“Have you had any sexual intercourses with your boyfriend within the last 3 months?”
“About a week ago...what does this have to do with anything?”
“A week ago?”
“Yes, 1 week ago was our first time; this is personal information here.”
“Klair, your 3 months pregnant.”
Black.
I had a dream, and Owen was holding my hand as we walked along some train tracks in the middle of nowhere. A train was coming, Owen tried to pull me away but I was stuck, the train hit me. As it rolled by as if nothing ever happened, I caught a glimpse of the conductor, it was Kevin Hwit, with a big ass smile on his face. When the train was gone and only the sound of the wind could be heard, Owen walked away, and didn't look back.
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Chapter 13- Let Everything Out
I woke up in a black room to the sound of Cassie's voice.
“Yeah the doctor said she would be fine, it's normal behavior to pass out after this. Pause. Alright, are you gonna be OK? Pause. Your welcome, bye Owen. Click.” Owen... Cassie must have found his number in my phone. I sat up and pulled a scratchy blanket off my body.
“Klair, are you OK?” Cassie asked me.
“No!”
“Here's your clothes, the bathrooms right across from here.” She said turning on the lights and handing me my clothes.
I squinted my eyes at the bright light and went to change my clothes. I opened the door to a portal that I wished would take me away from this world. I sat down by the beach while the ocean over followed and washed me away. The birds flew down from the sky and the crabs come out of the sand, they created a beautiful dress and pulled it over my head. I looked into the water and saw the smile of the happiest girl on Earth. I came back to reality and stared in the mirror as thoughts flooded my head.
“Is it to late to get an abortion? Do I want one? Would Owen want One?” So many questions. “ What does Owen think of this? Why me? I can't do this. I have to leave, now.” I walked back into the dark room that wasn't so dark anymore.
“I need to get out of here” I strickily told Cassie
“We need to stay to get the infor-”
“Give me your keys!” The rain was coming.
“Where do you think your going? How am I supposed to get back then?”
“Give me the goddamn keys, Cassie,” I screamed. She threw me the keys and I stormed out of the hospital to Cassie's car. I locked the doors and turned on the engine, I drove away from that hell hole. I drove and drove and drove until the gas was almost on empty, then I shattered. I pulled off to the side of the highway and let the oceans form on my lips, I let the monkey run free and I let the bear inside me crawl out; I let everything out. I wanted to die, I wanted to kill the demon inside me, I wanted Owen, but I didn't want him to see me like this, I wasn't myself anymore. I turned the car back on and drove to the nearest gas station, hoping they would have a pay phone. I found a BP, and an old rusted phone. I dug through Cassie's car and found a few quarters and two 20 dollar bills. I put the quarters in and dialed Owen's number. Ring...no answer. “This is Owen, leave a message after you know what, beep.” Click. I took the 20 dollar bill inside and exchanged it for $5 in quarters. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Ping, ping...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, ring...no answer. Out of quarters, out of my mind. I filled up the gas with the other $20 and drove to my new home figuring Cassie had already found a way there. “ Why isn't he answering? Is he mad? Sad? At the airport? In late class? Why isn't he answering?” I made it 'home' and Cassie opened the door before I could even touch it.
“Where the hell have you been, do you know what time it is?” She said pointing to the clock. “It's 1:12 A.M.!”
I walked past her to the bathroom and slammed the door the shut. I puked my guts out and she didn't say a word after that.
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Book 14- I Want My Life Back
I woke up curled in a fetal position on the bathroom floor. I felt better, I was just really dizzy. I stood up slowly and looked into the mirror, my face looked drained and my hair was a greasy frizzy mess. I looked dead. I was extremely tired but I managed to brush my barf covered teeth and wash my face. I opened the door and it was pitch black in the room, I moved toward my side of the tiny room and ran into the dresser; knocking something off and waking Cassie up. She quickly turned on the lamp on her nightstand and rushed over to help me into bed.
“The school office said you could have this week off school. After you have the baby you can have 4 months maternity leave, but none before or after that.” Cassie told me petting my head which was pounding 100 miles a minute.
“What's today?”
“Sunday September 15th”
“Where's my phone?”
“It's right here on the stand, now get some sleep.” She went back to bed and turned off the light.
I reached over and grabbed my phone, no new calls. I wanted to cry, but I didn't want to scare Cassie anymore, and I was too tired to even open my eyes all the way. I put my phone under the pillow so I could feel it vibrate if he called early in the morning, and I drifted into my dreams which lately have been only nightmares.
Buzz, buzz, buzz. I sat up and answered my phone quicker then I should have considering I have a parasite inside of me.
“Owen?”
“No...it's Kendra.” I didn't know what to say. I hadn't spoken to Kendra since the incident. That was completely unlike us; we were best friends and talked almost everyday, not every 3 months. I was sad it wasn't Owen, I was mad it wasn't him, but I was happy to hear Kendra's voice again. A million emotions filled my body at once and I fell back into my pillow.
“Klair...”
“Um, hey”
“I'm on my way now, I just got off the plane, I need to know the address of your college so I can program it into my GPS.”
“2389 Cornish North road, why are you coming here?”
“Owen called me and asked if I could stay with you while your room mate went to class, I don't start school till next year.”
“ Owen called you!” I sprung up again, way too fast.
“Yeah...why do you sound so frantic Klair calm down.”
“Calm down? CALM DOWN!? I just found out I'm pregnant with Kevin's baby, I've called Owen 11 times and he hasn't answered or called me back, but yet he answers when Cassie calls him and he calls you!”
“You have to settle Klair, babies can feel the emotions their mothers feel, you could kill it if you keep acting this way.”
“Maybe I want it dead”
“Don't say that Klair. I'll be their in an hour and everything will be alright. I won't leave until you make me.”
“What did Owen say?”
“He was acting really weird, like he was sick. He kept breathing hard and stuff. He just asked me to go stay with you and he said he had to go.”
“Go where?”
“I don't know, I asked if he was going to get a plane ticket but he hung up.” I was speechless, nothing Kendra was telling me about Owen sounded like Owen. Everything and everyone was wrong. Me and Kendra never fight, but here I am, screaming at her over the phone with my problems. I wanted my life back, and all I could think about was killing this thing inside me and killing it's 'father' too.
“Where's Kevin?” I asked, feeling a rage splurge through me.
“He's in jail right now for attempted rape and murder.”
“Of me?”
“Well the judge decided 12 years in jail for attempt of rape on you and attempt of murder on me.”
“He tried to kill you?”
“Well, not exactly. I went upstairs after you woke me up and found him pacing back and forth in my room. When he turned around I slapped him across the face and he slammed me into the wall, and ripped my speakers out from the wall. He tried to throw them at me but I ran. I went to my neighbors and called the police. I heard his tires screech has he drove off; the police called an hour later saying they found him speeding on the highway. They decided not to charge him for that because he already had enough mess in his hands.”
“What's the jail called?”
“Walters Prison, its on James street. Why?”
“Just wondering, oh and Kendra...?”
“Yeah?”
“There's no need for you to come, I won't be here anyway.”
“Where...click.” I went to my computer and made a mapquest to Walters Prison on James street. I grabbed the wallet filled with emergency money from under my mattress and left the dorm. I was going to become Kevin's worst nightmare.