Life Stories!
My name Is Mary. I'm 16. Here is my story:
Ever since I could remember, my parents were happy with eachother. Year after
year, they stayed together. Until I was 10 everything seemed perfect with them,
but what I didn't see was they wernt happy. They were quite miserable. And the
only reason they stayed together was for us, their kids. I grew up with three
older brothers, two younger sisters. But i only have one REAL sister. The rest
are half siblings. (different dads, same mom). My mom, when she was 12 years
old, she started having sex, I didn't find this out until recently actually. But
the story I was told was she was 15 when she started having sex. My mom got
pregnant and had a miscarriage. Then at 16 she got pregnant again and had my
oldest half brother who Is 20 years old currently. Two years after he was born
my mom got pregnant again by the same guy and had twins, my other two half
brothers. They are currently 18. Two years after the twins, my mom finally got
rid of the father of my older siblings, and decided to have a one night stand
with my father. Well that one night stand produced me. And when my mom found out
she was pregnant with me, my dad proposed, my mom said yes. They got married
after I was born. Two years after me was my sister ( my only real sister ) who
is currently 14. All was going well for my parents, happily married, had a home,
loving kids etc. It didn't last long, wanna know why? Because five years after
my only real sister was born, my mom cheated on my dad. Which we found out when
she came up pregnant even tho my dad had a vasectomy after my sister was born.
The affair resulted in my youngest sister who is currently 9. My parents got
divorced three years after my youngest half sister was born.
My dad lost the house we grew up in because he couldn't pay the bills, my mom
moved out and found a house of her own, and took all 6 if us kids with. I
started seeing my dad on the weekends only, which was extremely hard for a ten
year old girl. And so the struggles began.
My mom didn't have a job, was living off of child support, I was growing up, and
wanted to live with my dad and see my mom on the weekends because I just could
not handle living with her anymore. She smokes, and hides in her bedroom all
day. She just wasn't a mom for the longest time...
So eventually my dad got us to live with him during the week and we saw my mom
on the weekends, in result dropped the child support for me and my sister.
My mom started having financial problems etc.
But, MY story begins when I hit 7th grade. I was 12 going on 13. And the
pressures of the world hit me for the first time. I found myself thinking about
sex often, and just being curious about it. Puberty was settling in and my
hormones were going crazy. I started watching porn once in a while on the
computer. And when that wasn't enough I started exploring my own body. Figuring
out how to masturbate, I desperately wanted to know what sex was like but never
actually acted on that urge. Boys paid me no attention at school. Middle school
passed me by. Still a virgin, still never been kissed, I entered freshman year
(9th grade). I started getting a figure, and figuring out what I wanted to look
like, who I wanted to be. And a boy came along. He was nerdy, but cute. I fell
for him, and he gave me my first kiss. That was the most sexual I have ever
gotten with a guy.
Well, when summer began, my mom took all of us kids to a family reunion. Where I
met my cousin Josh for the first time. He was 19. Fun to talk to. Just a great
person. I'll admit I did think he was kinda cute but he was family so I didn't
think of him in any other way than family. After the reunion me and him hung out
alot. He became my best friend. I trusted him. I was wrong to. One night I was
spending the night at his house like I had done before. Except this night, we
were home alone. Watching a movie and just chilling, when he turned to me, and
forced a kiss on me. I was scared out of my witts so I never fought back or
thought about it. He started kissing me, and he got ontop of me, he took off his
shorts and shirt, and placed his hand up my skirt. Pulling my underwear off. I
just froze. I didn't know what to do. I didn't fight out of fear, and didn't
tell him no out of fear.... But, he took my underwear off, and placed his penis
on my vagina where he entered me, and raped me. I was only 15 at the time, and
the whole experience traumatized me. I remember it going on for about two hours
overall. I remember getting up, going to the bathroom and crying. Not letting
him see me cry. I pretend everything was alright. And in the morning i called my
mom to come get me. She picked me up, asked me how I was doing, and I never said
a word to her about it. I was afraid she would yell at me, blame me for it. I
was just afraid. About a month later, my mom found out from a text message he
had sent me. She forbid me to speak to him again. And sent me to bed. That night
I swallowed 16 motrin, and 6 muscle relaxers, in hopes of ending it all. I
couldn't handle the disappointment my mom would have had for me. I'd rather end
it than see how hurt she was.... I got lucky though because she found the pill
bottles laying next to me, my suicide note, and she took me to the emergency
room, they had me swallow liquid charcoal ( 2 tubes of it) to flush out my
stomach, had me take drug tests, a pregnancy test, and talk to crisis. I was
placed in therapy for the rape and the suicide. And for several months I went
through a severe depression. But, I never actually told my mom the truth about
it. I told her I was willing to have sex with him. i protected him, and i dont
know why. so, all the truth is still bottled up. and i figured if i forgot about
it i could move on. it worked for about 8 months, but after that 8th month, i
broke down. i started crying hysterically in my room. i didnt know what was
wrong. my emotions got ahold of me again, i wanted to end it all. but i stopped
and thought "this is gonna hurt everybody else, but i need to get rid of this
pain" so, my alternative to swallowing pills was taking an eraser to my arm. it
felt good erasing my skin away, it was like trying to get rid of my problems.
but afterwards my arm started stinging, but the pain felt good. it was like, i
was solving my problem, and leaving a scar to show that i have suffered through
things, and its just a reminder to never get into that situation again.
i know the rape wasnt my fault, i could have stopped it, but people cant sit
there and tell me it was my fault because i didnt fight back, and i didnt say
no. thats judging somebody. its not right.
i find myself not being able to trust people alot, and just, unable to confide
in anybody but my best friends about certain things. and when i see somebody who
resembles my cousin, i quickly walk the other direction in case it really is
him. because i dont want to be drug into that drama and situation again.
all i can really do is move on from it. but its difficult because everything
makes me think back to it. its not like a scrape that goes away. its like the
scars on my arms. the ones that will always be here. i always get asked about
the scars too. i always tell people it was a game i played and the kid made me
look suicidal. its a cover story because i dont want people knowing what really
happend to me.
sometimes you try to understand other people, but its impossible to.
i grew up thinking that everything will work out perfectly, youll never get
hurt, and there is a happily ever after. i grew up thinking that everybody was
perfect. but that was shattered when i found out the truth about my parents. my
dad used to be a drug addict, he used to be an alcoholic, and he used to smoke
alot. my mom, having sex at 12 years old, getting pregnant, cheating, and she
also smoked. i mean. people change, and they somewhat did.
my dad has been drug free for 15 years, also alcohol free for 15 years. and
smoke free for 5 years.
my mom, she still sleeps around, but shes become more responsible. finally
getting a job. but she worries about me. she doesnt want me ending up like her,
and i never will be. hopefully. i want to be the first person in my house to go
to college. and i probably will be. but, im worried that one day. what happened
a year ago (the rape) will affect the decisions i make.
im 16 years old.....
i dont expect people to feel sorry for me. or even say that things will be okay.
i know they will. i just wanted to share MY story, one that only you guys know.
its jumbled around. but, its still a story.
i hope that someday, this will be a piece of cake to talk about. because even
typing this up is hard.
"In the end, everything is good, if its not good, then its not the end."
-Mary
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Please stop and think before you pick up that razor, place it on your skin and cut yourself,
Please before you think about not eating, starving yourself for days and making yourself throw up hoping you’ll become thin.
Please before you press that bottle filled with alcohol to your lips, drinking enough so you can just forget everything.
Please before you take those pills out of that bottle and place them in your hands, contemplating on how many you should pop in your mouth in swallow, to either kill you or just put you to sleep for awhile.
I understand you’re suffering, and I know what it’s like. You’re thinking about cutting yourself, starving yourself, drinking yourself into a stupor or swallowing those pills. Listen, I know those things may help, but I know they’ll only help for a little while. After their effect has run it’s course, you’re going to want to do it more, it becomes an addiction. You begin to pull away from everything you have known and trusted including your friends and family. You try to talk to someone to tell them about how you feel, but you think they won’t understand or you think that they won’t even care. I know that atleast one person will care about you, about if you live or die, about if you are happy or sad. I want to let all of you out there know that, I do care about you. That sounds funny though right? A stranger cares about me, that’s ridiculous. Honestly, even though I know nothing about any of you, I care about you. I have read many of the stories on here and some of them are so heartbreaking that I cried. I did not cry because I pity any of you. I only feel 100% sympathy for all of you. I know there are times when many of you feel like no one cares about you and you wish you had someone to talk to about your problems or things that have happened in your life that you maybe can’t talk about with anyone else. I just wanted to let you all know that I am here for you. I know I am no miracle worker or anything but I promise to be a good listener and to help you to the best of my ability. I am not a judgmental person at all and I accept everyone for who they are.
-Dangerous
Keep a look out for Dangerous on Breakkup.com (Link on Help page)!
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Growing up, I thought everything was fine in my life. Of course I had some quarrels with my sisters, but we were young so that's normal. Things fell apart when I hit 3rd grade, when my dad started molesting me. It was underneath a blanket, every time, and I didn't know if I should be scared or not. I was so confused. The state suddenly got involved when I was in 4th grade, when my foster sister (not really a foster, but it's easier calling it that) told someone what my father was doing to her. My mom told us this in the car, we were at taco bell picking up food through the drive thru, and she said she didn't believe her. That's when I knew I had to say something.
To unconfuse everybody, my parents were drug addicts. My father was an abusive creep who tried to f*ck everyone or touch them when they came into our house. They were so good at lying, which is why my siblings and I all thought life was perfect. So later on that day, my mom was smoking outside in the back porch alone, I went outside and told her everything. The only thing I really remember after that is she looked straight into my eyes and said, "I don't believe you." Everything else is kind of hazy, just bits and pieces. My mom split from my dad, finally believed me after a month of us living with my horrible and abusive grandparents.
After a month there we left. We couldn't take it there. We went back home, and I remember waking up one time to my dad screaming and pounding on the door at my mom to let him in. Fast forward to me coming home with my sister from school and finding out my mom was in jail because my dad slammed a car door in his face and said my mom punched him. I called my aunt, who is a drunk, because my dad was trying to get in. My aunt didn't give any help so I let my dad in, and me and my sister ran in our back yard and to our best friend's house. (She lived right behind us) We got my older sister home from middle school (my twin and I were in 5th grade at the time, while my older sister was in 6th), and soon the police showed up with my grandparents at our best friend's house.
We were taken away and into our grandparents care. Now my grandparents were awful. They're like emotional vampires, so emotionally abusive. Fast forward to 6th grade. Still in grandparents care, and they managed to fluff over how good it is there to 2 case workers for Child Services. I almost had to go to trial to testify against my dad, but he took a bargain. We got another case worker, who was awesome, and if my mom didn't get out of treatment for drugs and alcohol when she did, we would've gotten taken away and into a new foster care, away from evil grandparents. So now I'm still living with my mom.
We all didn't know how to act with each other, since we were taken away for almost a year. My mom had two horrible and pure evil boyfriends, which one actually made her relapse two years ago, when I was in 8th grade. That was horrible. 9th grade. I'm shy, I'm depressed because of middle school, I'm scared of people making fun of me for being bisexual, and then I met a guy. He was what I thought, perfect.
Turns out he lied to me through the entire thing. Before we went out, my older sister's boyfriend's cousin caught him staring at his now ex-girlfriend's boobs. No one told me that until after the nasty break up. I loved him. I gave him my virginity and he gave me his because he lied and said he loved me, and would never do anything to hurt me. Turns out he just wanted sex and to feel good. Near the end of our relationship he quit hiding that he was flirting with other girls and publicly flirted with them in front of me. Before he broke up with me, we got into a fight on the phone because I told him I didn't like it when other girls checked him out. He said, "But I like it when they do that." I was so shocked and hung up. Later I called and apologized, but he said he was busy and just hung up.
I called one of my really close friends, and I'm crying so hard that she can barely understand me. God I'm starting to tear up right now. Anyways, she calms me down, and as I'm on the phone with her, my ex called me. She told me to call her back if I needed anything, so I switched over and talked to my ex. He insulted me, said he's breaking up, and after all of that, he asked if we could be friends. I remember begging him to give me another chance (which I did nothing wrong to him, I still don't know why I did) like I always gave him, and he said no. I hang up, call my friend back and cry for a good 10 minutes before she could calm me down. We both hate him.
Excuse me but he's the biggest fucking prick in the entire world in my eyes. When the weekend hit, I go over to my friend's house and she takes care of me. She even got one of her friends to do a strip tease for me just to make me laugh. God I love her. I was depressed for months. I used to not be able to eat, and I would literally shake all the time. One time I fainted in one of my classes from not eating. It's pretty funny listening to my friends recount what happened while I was out. It's gotten better, but sometimes I still think and just want to hate myself for being with him.
A once kind of friend (a guy) who was a grade above me and was in a couple of my classes was there for me. He walked me at the end of school to go get my twin, which I would possibly have to pass my ex's class, so I wouldn't be alone walking by him. Later on I found out he liked me, and I kind of liked him even though I was hurting so badly. That's when I confessed I wasn't a virgin, fearing that he wouldn't like me after that. He did, and now we've been going strong for 3 months. He helped me so much, and I'm forever grateful to him.
He showed me not all guys are like him. He showed me how to love again, and he waited patiently for me to be able to hug him and hold his hand. To just be affectionate with him and tell him I love him. When I finally told him I loved him, he teared up and gave my a long hug. It made me so happy. My twin hates me because apparently I would "crumble" when he was mentioned. She's explosive and physically and emotionally abuses me. My older sister has her own mental problems, but she's not as bad as her. My mom sometimes doesn't help me at all, but now she's starting too. She's starting to stand up for me. I just hope that will last.
I'm 15 years old, and this is my life story.
-Anonymous1
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I know people have been through worse things than I have. I know I have a much better life than others. I know I can't even come close to comparing my faults, my mistakes, just my life in general to theirs. But I've learned to teach myself how to live. I gave myself new eyes, and I've opened myself up to see a world that is hidden to others. I used to think I was worthless, ugly, a waste of space. I used to think because no one loved me I didn't have a reason to live. I used to think that since every guy seemed to use me to get to my friends, that I would never find love. I used to think I couldn't live without a boyfriend.
And one day this guy I "loved" hurt me beyond belief. Nothing with him was real, so I guess the pain wasn't real either, even though it felt realer than ever. I cried and I screamed until I couldn't anymore. Normally, you might think you should hate someone who did this to you. But I'm not a hater. I took this situation and I turned it into a lesson. That was the night I changed for the better. So, thank you boy who was the center of my world for a whole wasted year of my life.
So then I got myself into new things and moved on and life seemed to be settling out. But then my friends started getting into things I wasn't too into. Drugs, smoking, drinking, sex, etc. I found myself slowly fading away from them. Sure I wanted those things, but I knew if I let myself have them, I would get hooked, and with my life spiraling down again I really didn't need that. I needed to continue to live my life to the fullest and push through it. Luckily I had just enough will power to do so.
Then I met this boy, we danced at homecoming...a lot. Turns out my best friend likes him, but it also turns out he has a twin. So, I start talking to his twin because I like him and I want to get to know his family better. But it turns out after talking on facebook for just about an hour, I REALLY like him. Turns out, he REALLY likes me too. So after 5 months of being "just friends" I finally ask him out because I can't take being "just friends" anymore. Turns out, he wanted to ask me for a really long time but was too nervous to! Now we've been dating for 6 months. Shortly after our 5 month, he asked me to marry him -no ring or anything-. Of course I said yes. It's our pre-engagement. There is no doubt in my mind that we are meant to be. Then I get the news that he's moving. Not just moving...moving across the country. He was my everything. He was the only thing keeping me afloat in the storm going on in my life. I broke down and he broke up with me because he didn't want to hurt to me. But I knew he wasn't thinking straight. So I fought until I got him back, and It was the scariest thing I've ever done. It was like trying to pull a demon out of him. But I won the battle, he moved, and even though I had an emotional breakdown at first (I didn't eat anything for over 24 hours), things got a little better.
I decided that I wanted to hear from people who were going through problems, and I wanted to help them so I could keep people from making the same mistakes I did. So, I created a blog. After creating this blog, I got a lot of harsh comments. I knew these things would happen, I expected it, but I didn't expect it to actually hurt me. Well, it did, and yes, I would consider myself cyberbullied. People were saying things that were not true, and no matter how hard I tried to say it wasn't true, no one believed me. It made me upset, obviously, but I decided I wouldn't let it bother me. What kind of person would I be to quit what I want to do just because someone put me down? So I moved on to bigger and better things. Things seemed to be settling out again.
My friends started getting deeper and deeper into "under the influence". I felt like I couldn't do anything to stop them because I didn't want to lose them as friends. I don't hang out with them as much as I used to, but we're still good friends. They except me for who I am and they never pressure me into anything. Still, I started feeling alone. But it didn't bother me too much because I knew my boyfriend would never leave me, and I knew he loved me. One day, he texted me and told me we needed to talk and he said he thought it was time that we breakup. I didn't understand; I knew I made mistakes in our relationship but so did he, and I thought we had been through that we were past that already. Him breaking up with me was the last thing I would've ever guessed he would say. It's been 4 months since he broke up with me. He doesn't talk to me anymore and he got a new girlfriend last week. Even though I'm really happy for him, I still cry all the time over him. I just wish things were back to what to they used to be. But I know the long distance relationship was really hard on him, so it's better this way. I never doubted our love, and I still don't. I just know that right now, what the situation is, is how it's supposed to be. Our love was strong, but not strong enough. My right person is still out there, and I have to stay strong and move on.
I am not perfect, but I do try to live my life to the fullest. As far as my blog, maybe I won't have the best answer, but I put my heart into every answer I give. As far as my ex, I'm sure he has a good reason for not talking to me. As far as my friends, they're still my friends, and all I can do is support their healthy choices. As far as my life, it's not over because these bad things have happened, and plently of other bad things have happened. I will not let my mistakes make me, but I will learn from them. That is the greatest life lesson I think I've learned so far. As far as why I'm writing this, I really don't know. Something told me to write it, so hopefully you got something from it. I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm not asking for empathy. I'm really not even asking for advice. I just want you all to know that you are worth more than you think. That it is never too late. That you have so much more potential than you give yourself credit for.
That's all I guess. Just a little piece of my story, going viral. Thanks for reading.
-Alice Marvel
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Ever since I could remember, my parents were happy with eachother. Year after
year, they stayed together. Until I was 10 everything seemed perfect with them,
but what I didn't see was they wernt happy. They were quite miserable. And the
only reason they stayed together was for us, their kids. I grew up with three
older brothers, two younger sisters. But i only have one REAL sister. The rest
are half siblings. (different dads, same mom). My mom, when she was 12 years
old, she started having sex, I didn't find this out until recently actually. But
the story I was told was she was 15 when she started having sex. My mom got
pregnant and had a miscarriage. Then at 16 she got pregnant again and had my
oldest half brother who Is 20 years old currently. Two years after he was born
my mom got pregnant again by the same guy and had twins, my other two half
brothers. They are currently 18. Two years after the twins, my mom finally got
rid of the father of my older siblings, and decided to have a one night stand
with my father. Well that one night stand produced me. And when my mom found out
she was pregnant with me, my dad proposed, my mom said yes. They got married
after I was born. Two years after me was my sister ( my only real sister ) who
is currently 14. All was going well for my parents, happily married, had a home,
loving kids etc. It didn't last long, wanna know why? Because five years after
my only real sister was born, my mom cheated on my dad. Which we found out when
she came up pregnant even tho my dad had a vasectomy after my sister was born.
The affair resulted in my youngest sister who is currently 9. My parents got
divorced three years after my youngest half sister was born.
My dad lost the house we grew up in because he couldn't pay the bills, my mom
moved out and found a house of her own, and took all 6 if us kids with. I
started seeing my dad on the weekends only, which was extremely hard for a ten
year old girl. And so the struggles began.
My mom didn't have a job, was living off of child support, I was growing up, and
wanted to live with my dad and see my mom on the weekends because I just could
not handle living with her anymore. She smokes, and hides in her bedroom all
day. She just wasn't a mom for the longest time...
So eventually my dad got us to live with him during the week and we saw my mom
on the weekends, in result dropped the child support for me and my sister.
My mom started having financial problems etc.
But, MY story begins when I hit 7th grade. I was 12 going on 13. And the
pressures of the world hit me for the first time. I found myself thinking about
sex often, and just being curious about it. Puberty was settling in and my
hormones were going crazy. I started watching porn once in a while on the
computer. And when that wasn't enough I started exploring my own body. Figuring
out how to masturbate, I desperately wanted to know what sex was like but never
actually acted on that urge. Boys paid me no attention at school. Middle school
passed me by. Still a virgin, still never been kissed, I entered freshman year
(9th grade). I started getting a figure, and figuring out what I wanted to look
like, who I wanted to be. And a boy came along. He was nerdy, but cute. I fell
for him, and he gave me my first kiss. That was the most sexual I have ever
gotten with a guy.
Well, when summer began, my mom took all of us kids to a family reunion. Where I
met my cousin Josh for the first time. He was 19. Fun to talk to. Just a great
person. I'll admit I did think he was kinda cute but he was family so I didn't
think of him in any other way than family. After the reunion me and him hung out
alot. He became my best friend. I trusted him. I was wrong to. One night I was
spending the night at his house like I had done before. Except this night, we
were home alone. Watching a movie and just chilling, when he turned to me, and
forced a kiss on me. I was scared out of my witts so I never fought back or
thought about it. He started kissing me, and he got ontop of me, he took off his
shorts and shirt, and placed his hand up my skirt. Pulling my underwear off. I
just froze. I didn't know what to do. I didn't fight out of fear, and didn't
tell him no out of fear.... But, he took my underwear off, and placed his penis
on my vagina where he entered me, and raped me. I was only 15 at the time, and
the whole experience traumatized me. I remember it going on for about two hours
overall. I remember getting up, going to the bathroom and crying. Not letting
him see me cry. I pretend everything was alright. And in the morning i called my
mom to come get me. She picked me up, asked me how I was doing, and I never said
a word to her about it. I was afraid she would yell at me, blame me for it. I
was just afraid. About a month later, my mom found out from a text message he
had sent me. She forbid me to speak to him again. And sent me to bed. That night
I swallowed 16 motrin, and 6 muscle relaxers, in hopes of ending it all. I
couldn't handle the disappointment my mom would have had for me. I'd rather end
it than see how hurt she was.... I got lucky though because she found the pill
bottles laying next to me, my suicide note, and she took me to the emergency
room, they had me swallow liquid charcoal ( 2 tubes of it) to flush out my
stomach, had me take drug tests, a pregnancy test, and talk to crisis. I was
placed in therapy for the rape and the suicide. And for several months I went
through a severe depression. But, I never actually told my mom the truth about
it. I told her I was willing to have sex with him. i protected him, and i dont
know why. so, all the truth is still bottled up. and i figured if i forgot about
it i could move on. it worked for about 8 months, but after that 8th month, i
broke down. i started crying hysterically in my room. i didnt know what was
wrong. my emotions got ahold of me again, i wanted to end it all. but i stopped
and thought "this is gonna hurt everybody else, but i need to get rid of this
pain" so, my alternative to swallowing pills was taking an eraser to my arm. it
felt good erasing my skin away, it was like trying to get rid of my problems.
but afterwards my arm started stinging, but the pain felt good. it was like, i
was solving my problem, and leaving a scar to show that i have suffered through
things, and its just a reminder to never get into that situation again.
i know the rape wasnt my fault, i could have stopped it, but people cant sit
there and tell me it was my fault because i didnt fight back, and i didnt say
no. thats judging somebody. its not right.
i find myself not being able to trust people alot, and just, unable to confide
in anybody but my best friends about certain things. and when i see somebody who
resembles my cousin, i quickly walk the other direction in case it really is
him. because i dont want to be drug into that drama and situation again.
all i can really do is move on from it. but its difficult because everything
makes me think back to it. its not like a scrape that goes away. its like the
scars on my arms. the ones that will always be here. i always get asked about
the scars too. i always tell people it was a game i played and the kid made me
look suicidal. its a cover story because i dont want people knowing what really
happend to me.
sometimes you try to understand other people, but its impossible to.
i grew up thinking that everything will work out perfectly, youll never get
hurt, and there is a happily ever after. i grew up thinking that everybody was
perfect. but that was shattered when i found out the truth about my parents. my
dad used to be a drug addict, he used to be an alcoholic, and he used to smoke
alot. my mom, having sex at 12 years old, getting pregnant, cheating, and she
also smoked. i mean. people change, and they somewhat did.
my dad has been drug free for 15 years, also alcohol free for 15 years. and
smoke free for 5 years.
my mom, she still sleeps around, but shes become more responsible. finally
getting a job. but she worries about me. she doesnt want me ending up like her,
and i never will be. hopefully. i want to be the first person in my house to go
to college. and i probably will be. but, im worried that one day. what happened
a year ago (the rape) will affect the decisions i make.
im 16 years old.....
i dont expect people to feel sorry for me. or even say that things will be okay.
i know they will. i just wanted to share MY story, one that only you guys know.
its jumbled around. but, its still a story.
i hope that someday, this will be a piece of cake to talk about. because even
typing this up is hard.
"In the end, everything is good, if its not good, then its not the end."
-Mary
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Please stop and think before you pick up that razor, place it on your skin and cut yourself,
Please before you think about not eating, starving yourself for days and making yourself throw up hoping you’ll become thin.
Please before you press that bottle filled with alcohol to your lips, drinking enough so you can just forget everything.
Please before you take those pills out of that bottle and place them in your hands, contemplating on how many you should pop in your mouth in swallow, to either kill you or just put you to sleep for awhile.
I understand you’re suffering, and I know what it’s like. You’re thinking about cutting yourself, starving yourself, drinking yourself into a stupor or swallowing those pills. Listen, I know those things may help, but I know they’ll only help for a little while. After their effect has run it’s course, you’re going to want to do it more, it becomes an addiction. You begin to pull away from everything you have known and trusted including your friends and family. You try to talk to someone to tell them about how you feel, but you think they won’t understand or you think that they won’t even care. I know that atleast one person will care about you, about if you live or die, about if you are happy or sad. I want to let all of you out there know that, I do care about you. That sounds funny though right? A stranger cares about me, that’s ridiculous. Honestly, even though I know nothing about any of you, I care about you. I have read many of the stories on here and some of them are so heartbreaking that I cried. I did not cry because I pity any of you. I only feel 100% sympathy for all of you. I know there are times when many of you feel like no one cares about you and you wish you had someone to talk to about your problems or things that have happened in your life that you maybe can’t talk about with anyone else. I just wanted to let you all know that I am here for you. I know I am no miracle worker or anything but I promise to be a good listener and to help you to the best of my ability. I am not a judgmental person at all and I accept everyone for who they are.
-Dangerous
Keep a look out for Dangerous on Breakkup.com (Link on Help page)!
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Growing up, I thought everything was fine in my life. Of course I had some quarrels with my sisters, but we were young so that's normal. Things fell apart when I hit 3rd grade, when my dad started molesting me. It was underneath a blanket, every time, and I didn't know if I should be scared or not. I was so confused. The state suddenly got involved when I was in 4th grade, when my foster sister (not really a foster, but it's easier calling it that) told someone what my father was doing to her. My mom told us this in the car, we were at taco bell picking up food through the drive thru, and she said she didn't believe her. That's when I knew I had to say something.
To unconfuse everybody, my parents were drug addicts. My father was an abusive creep who tried to f*ck everyone or touch them when they came into our house. They were so good at lying, which is why my siblings and I all thought life was perfect. So later on that day, my mom was smoking outside in the back porch alone, I went outside and told her everything. The only thing I really remember after that is she looked straight into my eyes and said, "I don't believe you." Everything else is kind of hazy, just bits and pieces. My mom split from my dad, finally believed me after a month of us living with my horrible and abusive grandparents.
After a month there we left. We couldn't take it there. We went back home, and I remember waking up one time to my dad screaming and pounding on the door at my mom to let him in. Fast forward to me coming home with my sister from school and finding out my mom was in jail because my dad slammed a car door in his face and said my mom punched him. I called my aunt, who is a drunk, because my dad was trying to get in. My aunt didn't give any help so I let my dad in, and me and my sister ran in our back yard and to our best friend's house. (She lived right behind us) We got my older sister home from middle school (my twin and I were in 5th grade at the time, while my older sister was in 6th), and soon the police showed up with my grandparents at our best friend's house.
We were taken away and into our grandparents care. Now my grandparents were awful. They're like emotional vampires, so emotionally abusive. Fast forward to 6th grade. Still in grandparents care, and they managed to fluff over how good it is there to 2 case workers for Child Services. I almost had to go to trial to testify against my dad, but he took a bargain. We got another case worker, who was awesome, and if my mom didn't get out of treatment for drugs and alcohol when she did, we would've gotten taken away and into a new foster care, away from evil grandparents. So now I'm still living with my mom.
We all didn't know how to act with each other, since we were taken away for almost a year. My mom had two horrible and pure evil boyfriends, which one actually made her relapse two years ago, when I was in 8th grade. That was horrible. 9th grade. I'm shy, I'm depressed because of middle school, I'm scared of people making fun of me for being bisexual, and then I met a guy. He was what I thought, perfect.
Turns out he lied to me through the entire thing. Before we went out, my older sister's boyfriend's cousin caught him staring at his now ex-girlfriend's boobs. No one told me that until after the nasty break up. I loved him. I gave him my virginity and he gave me his because he lied and said he loved me, and would never do anything to hurt me. Turns out he just wanted sex and to feel good. Near the end of our relationship he quit hiding that he was flirting with other girls and publicly flirted with them in front of me. Before he broke up with me, we got into a fight on the phone because I told him I didn't like it when other girls checked him out. He said, "But I like it when they do that." I was so shocked and hung up. Later I called and apologized, but he said he was busy and just hung up.
I called one of my really close friends, and I'm crying so hard that she can barely understand me. God I'm starting to tear up right now. Anyways, she calms me down, and as I'm on the phone with her, my ex called me. She told me to call her back if I needed anything, so I switched over and talked to my ex. He insulted me, said he's breaking up, and after all of that, he asked if we could be friends. I remember begging him to give me another chance (which I did nothing wrong to him, I still don't know why I did) like I always gave him, and he said no. I hang up, call my friend back and cry for a good 10 minutes before she could calm me down. We both hate him.
Excuse me but he's the biggest fucking prick in the entire world in my eyes. When the weekend hit, I go over to my friend's house and she takes care of me. She even got one of her friends to do a strip tease for me just to make me laugh. God I love her. I was depressed for months. I used to not be able to eat, and I would literally shake all the time. One time I fainted in one of my classes from not eating. It's pretty funny listening to my friends recount what happened while I was out. It's gotten better, but sometimes I still think and just want to hate myself for being with him.
A once kind of friend (a guy) who was a grade above me and was in a couple of my classes was there for me. He walked me at the end of school to go get my twin, which I would possibly have to pass my ex's class, so I wouldn't be alone walking by him. Later on I found out he liked me, and I kind of liked him even though I was hurting so badly. That's when I confessed I wasn't a virgin, fearing that he wouldn't like me after that. He did, and now we've been going strong for 3 months. He helped me so much, and I'm forever grateful to him.
He showed me not all guys are like him. He showed me how to love again, and he waited patiently for me to be able to hug him and hold his hand. To just be affectionate with him and tell him I love him. When I finally told him I loved him, he teared up and gave my a long hug. It made me so happy. My twin hates me because apparently I would "crumble" when he was mentioned. She's explosive and physically and emotionally abuses me. My older sister has her own mental problems, but she's not as bad as her. My mom sometimes doesn't help me at all, but now she's starting too. She's starting to stand up for me. I just hope that will last.
I'm 15 years old, and this is my life story.
-Anonymous1
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I know people have been through worse things than I have. I know I have a much better life than others. I know I can't even come close to comparing my faults, my mistakes, just my life in general to theirs. But I've learned to teach myself how to live. I gave myself new eyes, and I've opened myself up to see a world that is hidden to others. I used to think I was worthless, ugly, a waste of space. I used to think because no one loved me I didn't have a reason to live. I used to think that since every guy seemed to use me to get to my friends, that I would never find love. I used to think I couldn't live without a boyfriend.
And one day this guy I "loved" hurt me beyond belief. Nothing with him was real, so I guess the pain wasn't real either, even though it felt realer than ever. I cried and I screamed until I couldn't anymore. Normally, you might think you should hate someone who did this to you. But I'm not a hater. I took this situation and I turned it into a lesson. That was the night I changed for the better. So, thank you boy who was the center of my world for a whole wasted year of my life.
So then I got myself into new things and moved on and life seemed to be settling out. But then my friends started getting into things I wasn't too into. Drugs, smoking, drinking, sex, etc. I found myself slowly fading away from them. Sure I wanted those things, but I knew if I let myself have them, I would get hooked, and with my life spiraling down again I really didn't need that. I needed to continue to live my life to the fullest and push through it. Luckily I had just enough will power to do so.
Then I met this boy, we danced at homecoming...a lot. Turns out my best friend likes him, but it also turns out he has a twin. So, I start talking to his twin because I like him and I want to get to know his family better. But it turns out after talking on facebook for just about an hour, I REALLY like him. Turns out, he REALLY likes me too. So after 5 months of being "just friends" I finally ask him out because I can't take being "just friends" anymore. Turns out, he wanted to ask me for a really long time but was too nervous to! Now we've been dating for 6 months. Shortly after our 5 month, he asked me to marry him -no ring or anything-. Of course I said yes. It's our pre-engagement. There is no doubt in my mind that we are meant to be. Then I get the news that he's moving. Not just moving...moving across the country. He was my everything. He was the only thing keeping me afloat in the storm going on in my life. I broke down and he broke up with me because he didn't want to hurt to me. But I knew he wasn't thinking straight. So I fought until I got him back, and It was the scariest thing I've ever done. It was like trying to pull a demon out of him. But I won the battle, he moved, and even though I had an emotional breakdown at first (I didn't eat anything for over 24 hours), things got a little better.
I decided that I wanted to hear from people who were going through problems, and I wanted to help them so I could keep people from making the same mistakes I did. So, I created a blog. After creating this blog, I got a lot of harsh comments. I knew these things would happen, I expected it, but I didn't expect it to actually hurt me. Well, it did, and yes, I would consider myself cyberbullied. People were saying things that were not true, and no matter how hard I tried to say it wasn't true, no one believed me. It made me upset, obviously, but I decided I wouldn't let it bother me. What kind of person would I be to quit what I want to do just because someone put me down? So I moved on to bigger and better things. Things seemed to be settling out again.
My friends started getting deeper and deeper into "under the influence". I felt like I couldn't do anything to stop them because I didn't want to lose them as friends. I don't hang out with them as much as I used to, but we're still good friends. They except me for who I am and they never pressure me into anything. Still, I started feeling alone. But it didn't bother me too much because I knew my boyfriend would never leave me, and I knew he loved me. One day, he texted me and told me we needed to talk and he said he thought it was time that we breakup. I didn't understand; I knew I made mistakes in our relationship but so did he, and I thought we had been through that we were past that already. Him breaking up with me was the last thing I would've ever guessed he would say. It's been 4 months since he broke up with me. He doesn't talk to me anymore and he got a new girlfriend last week. Even though I'm really happy for him, I still cry all the time over him. I just wish things were back to what to they used to be. But I know the long distance relationship was really hard on him, so it's better this way. I never doubted our love, and I still don't. I just know that right now, what the situation is, is how it's supposed to be. Our love was strong, but not strong enough. My right person is still out there, and I have to stay strong and move on.
I am not perfect, but I do try to live my life to the fullest. As far as my blog, maybe I won't have the best answer, but I put my heart into every answer I give. As far as my ex, I'm sure he has a good reason for not talking to me. As far as my friends, they're still my friends, and all I can do is support their healthy choices. As far as my life, it's not over because these bad things have happened, and plently of other bad things have happened. I will not let my mistakes make me, but I will learn from them. That is the greatest life lesson I think I've learned so far. As far as why I'm writing this, I really don't know. Something told me to write it, so hopefully you got something from it. I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm not asking for empathy. I'm really not even asking for advice. I just want you all to know that you are worth more than you think. That it is never too late. That you have so much more potential than you give yourself credit for.
That's all I guess. Just a little piece of my story, going viral. Thanks for reading.
-Alice Marvel
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